Friday, February 27, 2009

Friday Morning Thoughts

Yesterday one of my small group members asked me a question.

"I was going to get you a game but I didn't know if you'd play it. Seriously, what do you want for your birthday?"
"Honestly you don't have to get me anything."
"There's nothing that you want?"
"I want mostly intangible things."
"Like what?"
"...I'd love a reconciled relationship with Glorieanne. That's a great starting point."




Yeah. Still very much there. 2 years after the fact even.

Not to say that there hasn't been any progress; because there have been hints of what "could be."

But I want my best friend back. That would be awesome.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

3:52 AM

I won money playing poker.

more than 3 times what I put in even.



Yet all I kept thinking about was her.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Friday Afternoon Thoughts

I don't get it at all.

Here I am as excited as anything about our day together. It was supposed to be splendid. The goal was to meet up early so that we can begin "study day." Then we would go our separate ways to go fulfill our various commitments.

But, as things often do in my world, events didn't naturally transpire the way that I envisioned them to in my head.

In my anxious state, I woke up bright and early this morning to start my journey to the local library. I thought I would be thoughtful and grab a nice little bite for my friend (oh, yes I'm talking about Kristy) since it was likely hunger would surface at some point during the day.

As I'm sitting and eating my breakfast, she calls. She had clearly just woken up and had spent all last night making music. I thought that was really cool. But it dawned upon me that she probably wouldn't even be in the atlanta area for another 2 hours. "It's cool. I'll just roll with it." became the sentiment.

Somewhere along the way in the 4 hours I was studying myself (which was brutal btw), I started to consider the fact that perhaps I was more enthralled about our day than she was. She finally arrived and let me know that she got carried away playing with her niece and nephew.



This is all to say that, for the 4 hours we've been studying now, it's slowly starting to dawn on me that it's likely that I'm putting more into the friendship than she is. Today in particular she seems very easily irritable. Like she was simply hanging out with me to fulfill some obligatory need.

But who wants a friend like that?

Oh well. I suppose I'll do what I always do and just keep serving her the best that I can. A lot of my friends have said that I'm wasting my time...but I truly digress. I'm not going about hopelessly praying for some change in direction or something; but I have peace knowing that all of the investment that I'm making will stand distinguished forever and ever. If, for one fortuitous reason, God is able to plant a seed in her life through me then it will all be worth it.

I just wish I didn't like her so bad -_-

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

):

I feel like an idiot.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Big God in small earth



I took this photograph the other day.

There's nothing particularly creative or anything about the shot, but if you glance too quickly you'll miss what makes the picture so awesome. Did you see it? You know...God?

The shadow, whether one admits it or not, forms a smiley face on the headrest of my vehicle. The reason this is significant is that, paradoxically, God shows up BIG in the small places. I never thought about this until recently. And then the verse immediately came to me:

"11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a GENTLE WHISPER." 1 Kings 19

Look for God in the small places. You may even find Him smiling.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

what what!

Passed my variables exam today. Talk about hip hop hooooooray!

That's 2 down 2 to go until I'm completely registered for your mutual funding pleasure (-;

Monday, February 09, 2009

the beauty of rejection

there's a funny way people can be when it comes to dismissing certain things.

Take my job for example. Today was NYL's "call-a-thon." All that really means is that we would go about our regular activities today with a specific focus on being on the phone to make more appointments. Only problem with me is that I've exhausted most of my friends who are actually willing to sit down with me. The other ones just say "we already have that covered" and don't even give me a chance to simply explain to them what it is that I'm doing in the first place. I mean c'mon. I'm not forcing a scorpion down anyone's throat; I simply ask for 20 mins and feedback at the end. Hasn't my friendship with [x] merited at least that? I suppose not.

So, this leads us to what I spent a considerable amount of time doing today--cold calling. I liken to compare cold calling to taking a shower in ice. Sure...you are technically more hygienic as a result but it's the most miserable process ever. So, more than 100 dials later, I still didn't make any appointments. Needless to say, "no" was the operative word of today. (as an aside, two of the people that I called passed away 2 years ago so that technically was a no--'twas just extremely awkward).

Then, to kind of put the cherry on top, my would be date for a particular wedding at the end of the month just informed me that they would not be able to join me in celebration. Now I normally wouldn't be bothered by this sort of thing (after all there was no obligatory contract signed or anything), but the timing of this response was just awful. I asked her well over 2 months ago if they would go ahead and put it on their calendar. The response was a tentative one, "ok I'll think about it but I have to see because I never know what will come up in my schedule." Fair enough.

January finally rolls around and still no answer. February rolls in and urgency starts to set in. I finally remind her wednesday.

"I'll let you know by Sunday."
"With respect, is there any way you can be for sure? Because my friend is making name tags and she wants to know who my +1 will be."
"I'll just have to see. I don't know yet."

Fittingly, tonight my friend calls to see if there had been a response with my indecisive prospect. I call said prospect.

"Oh I don't think I can go because I have to work."
"Well is there any way you can work half a day? Or can someone cover?"
"No because we opened up our new store and no one will be there to cover for me."
"...ok."


Now, this is particularly irritating, not because she said no to me, but because of the timing with which it was executed. I honestly couldn't care less that she said no, but at least have the courtesy to give me (and my friend for that matter) the time to make amends in lieu of the lack of commitment. It's not like she didn't know about it. I gave her 3 blasted months to plan ahead. If she knew that there was no way she could get out of work, perhaps that's something that would've been useful several weeks ago before the new shop was opened? It's just annoying. Why can't people be, at the very least, courteous?





then there are those rides home by yourself. Those quirky little God moments where He intervenes and casts light on one's own faults. And, although, in both of these instances I've clearly been treated with less respect than I deserve, it doesn't give me any right to complain about anything. In fact, I have no grounds to even begin contemplating how unfair the situation is. Rather, how profound would it be if I just embraced the whole thing just grateful for the opportunities?

Instead of complaining about how many people won't set appointments with me, just being grateful that I have a job (especially in light of the ever increasing layoffs).
Instead of complaining about how stupid someone acted in terms of their poor handling of an invitation, being joyful of the fact that I'm able to celebrate the union of a dear friend?


Perspective changes everything.

Friday, February 06, 2009

small groupin it

Tonight was quite an interesting night.

It was the first time my small group was going to meet completely. You see, previously there had only been about 5 of us in tandem. Considering that ideally all of us agreed that 8 would be a number worth shooting for, we (and by we I mean me) attended grouplink in an attempt to get new members. New members were indeed added and tonight was the night everyone met each other.

The night started jovially enough. Casual talk. Casual greetings. The like. But things got intently intense during a specific portion of the night.

I shared how I couldn't, for the life of me, understand how I was such a dummy for a particular girl named Kristy. I mean, there's nothing that is utterly indescribable about her, but yet somehow the relationship has been conditioned to the point where logic, at least on my end, is completely thrown out of the window.

The conversation invariably traveled to the point as to whether or not we should date. I, in infinite confliction, articulated the crux of the dilemma. Although it is evident that our chemistry is that of legendary standards, the singular glaring difference between us is our faith. There is no debate to be had on this topic. I'm simply much more focused on living a life for God than she is. This sets up what Christian people call being "unequally yoked."

This leads us to how the conversation went tonight. One of the new members talked about why it wouldn't be so bad to date her after all. I rebutted how a difference in faith means a difference in foundation from the very start (meaning bad, bad, bad). And, when it comes down to it, I should be in a posture to want to obey the bible. He didn't understand that concept. In his eyes, simply believing in God but not necessarily following the bible would be sufficient.

I don't think so.

Were that the case, perhaps it would be a wise idea to go about fornicating wildly until every fleshly pleasure gets satisfied. Or perhaps it would likewise be ideal to parade around in drunken revelry with utter disregard to how one should present themselves. After all, we would all still believe in God right?

The night ended with me simply stating that there are often times in my life where I am naturally inclined to go in one direction that is contradictory to the direction that the bible wants me to go. And it is at that time that it is most crucial for me to voluntarily choose the bible over me.

Because there is such thing as ultimate truth. And that, instead of my own will power to do whatever, is what my faith is vested in.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

just a thought

I could probably glorify God 1,000,000x more with my life if I would just get out of my own way.