Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The spirit of gratefulness

I had the joy of sitting down with John Ott this morning.

We talked about various things obviously but eventually it whittled down to a very specific question that he asked. "Fred, what do you think made your time at Starbucks so fruitful?"

I thought about it for a moment.

"Being at Starbucks helped to show just how much pride I had inside of me."

I didn't realize it at the time, but a lot of my pride came for straight up ungratefulness. I had a good family, good health, and few obligations but all I kept thinking about was how crappy my job was and how porcupine kept playing games with me. It was only when I was cognizant of this that I reached a point of true humility. It was after my heart was in that place that God could begin construction on my new foundation.

This is noteworthy because John started sharing with me that because it's a lesson that's been so deeply ingrained in me, it is something I'll be able to identify with scintillating precision in other people. And the more I explored that thought, the more I've found it to be true.

Being human, it's appropriate to feel frustrated or lonely or forgotten when times get really tough. But the difference with someone who is grateful and someone who isn't is that there's a spirit of peace and a spirit of "these circumstances will not deter my perspective"

And these people stick out.

And they're the people you're grateful for.

Because their gratefulness is inspiring.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

petting porcupines

So I got to see special K again tonight.

I always wondered what it would feel like. I'm sure I came off as kind of rude because I immediately turned my head so that I wouldn't face her. Oh wells. Seeing her again though made me think about where I am with all this. Especially with her birthday coming up and all.

Frankly, I still don't know how we ended up on non-talking terms. My story is that she asked me to not talk to her. She'll probably say that she never wanted me to not talk to her [irony] yet that she wanted space. I'll respond by saying I gave her space. I'm not sure how she would respond to that. Probably something along the lines of our friendship just gradually changed.

Personally, I do miss her. More than anything I miss just learning about her. Learning all the intricacies that make her her. This isn't a very unique thing as it's a facet of a relationship that I would say is true with many of my friends, but she's different because of a value I've placed on her. While that value has diminished given our lack of communication, I must say that if we had a friendship I would still value it.

Yet, one thing that I've learned to accept is that I really cannot control the future. Regardless of how altruistic and sincere my desires are, there's a lot that are just out of my control. I want so badly for the my story to include a reconciliation with Kristy; I want very very badly for her to all of a sudden to just be like "you know I think I'll take the first step to say to Fred that I'd like to start brand new with a friendship and to just settle the past once and for all."

But I'm slowly reaching the point where the fact that any of those desires NOT coming true is equally satisfying. Not because I want them any less, but because I'm slowly yielding more to the fact that I don't have to be in control of everything--especially in this situation. If this story turns out awesome and we become very good friends again then I'll be ecstatic. But if all of the seeds that I planted turn out to be for not and I'm just fooling myself all this time then I honestly think I'll be ok with that.

Because I'm giving up the pen to this story. And simply going to enjoy the book.

Monday, November 15, 2010

lee's birthday

Happy Birthday, friend.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

time value of investment

When you're sick, there's the people who say "aww I hope you feel better" and then there are the people that go over to your house with soup and watch a DVD with you.

Everyone wants the second friend. But, how many people actually take the time BEING the second friend? Every now and then we have to be prepared to allow other people to completely unload all of their burdens in transparency. And the best thing to do is to just sit, listen, and be there.

I had the joy of doing this tonight. It's part of what makes life that much richer.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

oh em gee

I had a really crazy dream last night.

Generally I don't read too much into dreams or anything because it can just be so sketch. However yesterday is probably one of the most vivid exceptions I can ever recall. In essence, I dreamed that God was communicating to me. This should be alarming given that I'm very much part of the "God doesn't literally talk to people" bandwagon. I believe God reveals himself through a variety of ways. He reveals His character through reading the bible. He sets examples through other people. And sometimes circumstances will get thrown your way because a lesson needs to be taught. But I find it hard to believe that God literally calls out in a voice "hey Fred I want you to do [x]."

Then yesterday night happened.

I don't remember a whole lot of the dream but I do remember that I had some control over what I was doing. I remember that there was a big prophesy and that God was going to come back at a specific time (this isn't biblical by the way since we won't know when Jesus will come back). Anyway, I'm inside of a huge room where a whole bunch of people are gathered.

Anyone and everyone was there. Skeptics, celebrities, homeless, you name it they were there. The mathmeticians started writing on the wall and stuff different formulas (only to have other people erase their work away).

Finally the moment draws near.

Everyone was counting down with one minute remaining. Then it got down to the 10 second mark.

10..
9..
8..
7..


The clock hit the zero mark.

Nothing happened.
About 30 seconds passed and all the skeptics started gloating about everything.


Then suddenly it happened.



Everyone in the room was floating involuntarily. The room was shaking and there was vibrations felt within the bones of every living creature in the room. Everyone was literally speechless when all of a sudden all these math formulas were easily seen on the wall.

Then all you saw, in bright burning fire red-yellow, was the word "INFINITE."

I stayed glued to that word for maybe 5 seconds. Then everyone dropped back down and things seemingly got back to normal. I woke up and couldn't stop thinking about how appropriate that word is for God.


And I haven't stopped thinking ever since about why God would allow me to have such a crazy dream.