Sunday, September 30, 2007

The Preface (Part I)

Well, it's been a week and two days since Tita Maricor and I talked. I asked for a week to pray about what to do with my journal, and, still haven't landed on a decision. I'm heavily leaning toward just keeping everything up though. Half of the pressure that I felt on myself was due to the fact that she said that Ryan had been in constant contact with an attorney (and thus didn't know if I'd have even a week to pray). It's a true head scratcher.

Anyway, I don't even feel comfortable writing in this thing anymore. I feel like every word I write will be scrutinized at some point in time by somebody. Someone will get offended and all this drama will repeat.

I'm going to try again though. I haven't allowed for a release from this scenario anyway. So, for the next few entries, I will hopefully be able to write out my thoughts. Hopefully it'll be like normal.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Remedy



It's been a good six days since this album has been playing in my CD player. Overall, it's a wonderful album--Crowder meeting the bar that he has set for himself musically. That said, the album is tragically way too short.


Remedy is David Crowder* Band's 4th full length album (don't even tell me that B Collision and Sunsets & Sushi were albums). As such, Mr. Crowder has established himself as one of the most distinguishable song writers in the Christian spectrum today. Thus the expectations for Remedy were high and fortunately for all of us he meets them.

Musically speaking, the album is a delight. The songs range very well. "You never let go" and "Surely we can change" emanate a really serene tone. Brightly contrasting we have songs like "We won't be quiet" and "...Neverending..." with their, how shall we say, more upbeat personalities. "Rain Down" was kind of a head scratcher for me. David did the song already on a previous album but felt it worthy to do it again here. Head scratching material indeed. "Oh for a thousand tongues to sing" shows why Crowder is so great at rearranging hymns. The little refrain he added was stellar also. "Can you feel it?" is no better example of the maturity in David Crowder Band. It's quite edgy yet remains profoundly simple. It's really great. "Remedy", perhaps my favorite song on the album, simply penetrates the heart.

All of these personalities are grouped together for Remedy, and you have a really great album. The sad thing is that it's much too short. As is, the album is somewhere in the area of 45 mins. Take "Rain Down" away and you have basically 40 mins. Although the album is a delight, it's also kind of like a tease. I would've gladly waited another 6 months for another album as long as A Collision but I'm not complaining. :)

Last, one thing I wanted to draw attention to was the song writing of Dave. If you sit and listen to a lot of the words on the various songs, many will strike the most harmonious chords in your heart. It's as if Crowder, in full circle, has a compliation of songs that are appropriate for most walks in life.
Most profound, perhaps, is surely we can change. The fact that we, as Holy Spirit-powered ambassadors, have the ability to be something to someone.

To those in fear, we can be brave.
To those in pain, we can be serene.
And so on.


Maybe this is what Crowder is getting at the whole time. The fact that we can be (and should be) the Remedy.

Interesting.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

life update

So much to say. Where to begin?

- It's been 2 weeks since the phone call. Since then I've received a supplementary email regarding this situation. The email was quite strange to me; accusing me further of things I had no idea I was doing. The email also required a response from me. I called her back the next day to talk about what kind of response would be required of me. That was more than a week ago.

I have nowhere left to go but wait from here. If she wants to talk to me, she will. If anything, perhaps the expedited recovery of the G is consuming her time. If so, then I'll gladly be put on the side. However, I have peace in my decision that, at least until now, this will continue to be my catharsis.

- Lola is absolutely incredible. Despite the fact that this cancer finds ways to rear its hideous head in new, confounding ways on a daily basis, Lola's faith continues to shine brighter and brighter.

Take yesterday for example. Here she is, clearly drained of energy, yet she still finds ways to respond to all of our voices. She still persists to show everyone how strong she truly is. Talking is difficult for her, but when she does talk, it's easy to get blown away.

If I were in the same situation, I would be kicking and complaining and screaming.
Lola on the other hand? She gently sings the words "Why should I be discouraged?" form the song "His Eye Is On The Sparrow"

That's confidence. When, amidst the pain and grief, your soul finds solace in the fact that the Maker of the universe is paying attention to your life. The song that lola picked could not be any more precise. A song that beautifully melodies the fact that the great God, who singlehandedly sustains all life, cares deeply about us; the thought that God takes complete care of a simple bird--down to the details of what they eat in the morning and night. If such, how much more does he take care of us (who are of much greater value to God)?

I always pray for God to alleviate her pain. The grimace on her face speaks loudly of the pain she perpetually endures. If Christ, in sweet mercy, would allow for it to be easier it would mean so much.

- School needs to be over soon. Classes aren't too good but they're aren't that bad either. I do have two tests (on the same day no less) next thursday. Get excited.

- CallieAnn finally got back in touch with me. She seems to be taking her storm rather hard. I dearly hope that she would stand on her faith. I want to talk with her. I miss our conversations. Alas, I will still wait patiently. She will contact me when she's ready.

- Churchwise, things are really going great right now. Louie Giglio is finishing his two-part series this sunday. I would go on about how amazing his talk was last sunday, but it would be an injustice to both Louie and God. Essentially this is what was stressed...

The Cross, in all walks of life, is evidence of God's unique individualized care for us. We may not always understand it at first, but if you look at the cross long enough (as well as embrace the nail marks long enough), the Answer will suddenly shine clearly.

Another Eric joined our small group. He's from Ft. Lauderdale. After eating Waffle House with him last thursday, all I have to say is get excited.

- I'm broke.

- I talked with some Jehovah's Witnesses on Sunday. They wanted to argue whether or not Natural Disasters came from God. They said they'd come back this sunday. I really hope so; I'd love to discuss the mystery of the trinity with them.

- I also talked with an "up-and-coming" rapper on my school campus last week. I took one of his CDs. He proceeded to ask for a "donation" of $2 bucks for the CD. I gave back the CD. Then our conversations went something along the lines of...

"Why you don't want to support me man?"
"I am supporting you. You'll get more money from someone else who will like your CD more than me."
"Naw man why don't you want to support me?"
"I am...here's your CD back."

This continued for the next 10 minutes...

Eventually he finally gave up on me. I tried to shake his hand and wished him only the best. He said "why would I shake your hand? You don't want to support me. Your type of people never buy my music. I just thought you would be different."

I smiled and walked away. Of all things he chose to play the race card as his trump. Ironically, he probably felt sorry for me.

- I guess that's it for now. My wrist hurts from typing.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

1 week later

It's been a week since it happened.

I've discussed the situation with my wise council. Still no definitive answer. Many feel I should completely abandon the situation and just stay out (as apparently so clearly desired by other people). Others feel that I should keep doing what I'm doing and not change a thing.

Personally, I've found very little peace either way. I do know that this week of praying has led to much grief. I also know that I don't quite have peace taking this thing down either. I seek clarity and believe that I simply need more time.


In any case, I wish to leave the following reflection of mine...



"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matt 11:28-30


Isn't that verse so amazing? Jesus Himself...welcoming us to lighten our load.

Do not be fooled, however. Jesus is not inviting people to some sort of a gimmick. It's not as if He's a used car salesman begging you to trade in your car for a newer or "better" one. No...not quite. Jesus instead is inviting us to learn from His way of living.

The amazing dynamic about us, as humans, is the fact that we're extremely relational. Yet many of these relations leave dents, tattered baggage, and calloused scars all over our poor souls. Inevitably, our bodies get bogged down with excess weight, and we drag when we continue to press on in life.

Am I not clear? Think of it this way. Super Glue your hand to someone else's hairy chest. When your hand finally separates from said hairy chest, there's undeniable evidence left on both parties. The chest is now graced with residue from not only the glue, but probably some torn skin as well from your hand. As for your hand, well, I don't even need to talk about how obvious it would be that your hand was clearly where few hands dare to go.

Perhaps the analogy was a little obtuse. However, don't forget the point of it all. When we enter friendships with people (be it romantic or platonic), those friends make undeniable imprints on our lives. The problem is, when some of those friendships go awry, we continue to carry that baggage (hairy chest and all) with us.

Which is what makes Jesus' invitation all the more profound. He openly invites us to deposit our broken lives at the foot of the cross. He shows us what it means to truly embrace it (the cross) and live forever changed as a result. In essence, we're living life to the fullest!

I can't quite break it down as well as I'd like. A.W. Tozer does a much better job...

(from The Pursuit of God)

"To men and women everywhere Jesus says, 'Come unto me, and I will give you rest.' The rest He offers is the rest of meekness, the blessed relief which comes when we accept ourselves for what we are and cease to pretend. It will take some courage at first, but the needed grace will come as we learn that we are sharing this new and easy yoke with the strong Son of God Himself. He calls it "My yoke," and He walks at one end while we walk at the other."


This has helped me find peace. To know that no matter what happens, God's value of me is unchanging. To completely understand that though I may masquerade around life as some make believe character, when I unveil my trueself head bowed down at the cross, Jesus will still be there smiling and embracing me for what He's made me.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

ARghalkdgjoie

Sweeping changes are soon coming.


Due to some people's concerns over some things I've been writing on this thing, I have been asked to take my blog down. I have agreed on a principle level, but I won't be completely taking this down. Rather, the site will be significantly different. For the 3 of you that happen to take interest in this thing, know that it will be much altered. I have to find a way to private-ize my posts. I tried messing around with it right now but it has been more difficult than I expected.

This may seem so unexpected and so random but know that it's weird for me too. I will eventually divulge further details regarding this sudden change of direction...but I need time to pray first. Just realize the situation distills down to this:

I've always wanted to be completely transparent with my life. Other people, who are impacted by my life (and vice versa) do not share this windex transparency philosophy of mine--and that's ok. My candor has reached the point where it clearly affects other people so yeah.

Lastly, from what I can see, I'll either have to make you "invite only" if you still want to read this, or I would have to make private any post that deals specifically with "person X". I certainly don't want to do the former...after all it would require *gasp* me finding out who reads this crap.

That's all for now...I suppose.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Quiet time with Lola

I've spent much of the past 72 hours with my dear grandmother. I can safely say that it was time well spent.

Lola continues to display her strength throughout this entire situation. It's inspiring. Every time someone comes to visit her, she always welcome them in with a bright smile. Everytime someone has asked her how she's doing, without hesitation she responds something along the lines of "I have a lot to be thankful for." If I were in the same situation (battling face to face with the atrocity that is caner), I can only hope that my reponses would emanate half of the faith that Lola's do.

It's really cool. Lola rocks.