Monday, May 30, 2011

back home

I just got back from the ICGA retreat I went to over the weekend.

I don't feel like unpacking everything right now mostly because I think sof sof got me sick. My head is throbbing and my nostrils are doing that one guy is open the other is closed action.

All that said I can't help but consider how the retreat has had impact on my life. I met a lot of great people with some of the most incredible stories that hollywood would drool. It's only affirmed something I had learned early in my life:

Everyone worships something...but as for me (and my circle) we worship [x].

Hopefully for me, I can make that [x] count for X.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

relief

after the rain comes the calm.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

nervous

I'm really scared.

I have confidence, but there's always the unknown.

God help me to see that my life is in Your hands. Keep my perspective such that, regardless of outcome, I continue to find my identity in you.

If it's up to me, I'd love to perform well tomorrow and get extended the offer;

but I want what You want more.

amen.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Breakthrough

It's finally happening with her.

For so long I've desperately desired that she would form a connection on her own.
That she would begin to ask her own questions.
That she would not have to rehearse answers or prayers anymore.

Then, in a very intense fashion, she hit rock bottom.
Crying, angry, weeping, sulking, she looked everywhere for answers. She found nothing but silence.
Envious why she couldn't have the peace that so many of her new friends had she whispered through tears, "please? please help me?"

Alas. Restoration has its starting point.




Get excited!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Friday Afternoon Thoughts

Lately I have been learning a lot from some of my mentors.

I've been told time and time again how important it is to take the time to define different aspects of your life. When you're practicing a sport, for instance, you define the best methods for sharpening your skills. When you're starting a new year, it's best to define your goals for the year. When you start a diet, you define what weight you would ideally be at. Et cetera.

Personally this has had many different applications for me.

- For my relationship with Sof Sof, I've had to define what it is that I enjoy about her and what it is that I don't. Both have been equally hard for me.

- For some of my past friendships, it's been acknowledging that some people will likely (unless they are very intentional about maintaining the friendship) not be in my life again.

- For some of my work disciplines, it meant knowing what to say yes to and what to say no to.

Part of the benefit of doing this is that you become uniquely you. You are no longer chained to what culture or peers say you should be; rather you become an evolving masterpiece growing in complexity and beauty continually. This doesn't guarantee that you won't go through your normal ups and downs; however it does mean that your identity will be formed purely by what you've made of it. You'll end up being more secure. No more pretense.

I don't think this is for everyone (some people want to be shaped by other people). Further, there are a variety of factors that complicate things (like Christian morals for instance). But the principal is profound.

And it will change your life if you let it.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

after all this time I'm still learning

I don't consider myself an expert by any means when it comes to relationships. In fact, I'd probably lean more toward the side of novice or beginner.

However, the one thing I do know is that one of the best things any couple could do is learn from the couple they would like their relationship to resemble. I did that tonight and I feel like it's already paying dividends.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Unpacking the bags

I'm back from vacation. Kinda.

It's been such a long time since I've written in this thing. In the past I've committed to write then re-committed to write in this thing with it simply failing. I just wish that I could commit this time because it's such a mental release.

There's been a ton going on in my life. So much that it would probably be unwise to write about it all here. But, I think it would be wise to give succinct updates from the different building blocks that comprise the bulk of my life.

Spiritually - Roller coaster. Some great weeks in the "promise land." Other weeks in the "desert." What else is new?
Socially - Renaissance. I've discovered that part of being awesome is to just "be." Liberation.
Vocationally - Intense. Project after project. Potential for the future. It's a good busy.
Athletically - Scattered. I took losing better at tennis and am authentically more humble with my skills now. The only problem is now I'm starting to like other sports too. More $$. Cest La Vie.
Intellectually - Perplexed. Chewing on a quote I heard, "If you want to know where your heart is look to where your mind wanders."


I guess that's pretty much it. I'm so sad that I'm boring.