Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I'll be back!


Destination: O-town.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Hope in You

Even as the numbers stack up against you,
I still believe.

Even as the prognosis doesn't look good,
I still believe.

Even as unlikely as it seems,
I still believe.

Even as broken as you appear,
I still believe.

Even as hopeless as it is,
I believe.


you will come out of this victorious glow. We have Him on our side. All of Georgia is praying for you. All of Florida is praying for you. Stay strong! You are empowered with the Holy Spirit! Persevere Glow! This is going to be beautiful in the end.

As for You, help me understand why in the world you would allow this to happen. Things were looking so bright for the future. Is this just a drastic reminder of how You can interrupt life at any given time?

Nonetheless, I choose to worship You. Blessed be your Name. You give and take away. Give me the maturity to be grateful even at a time like this.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Get Excited!

It's 11:30.

I have to be at church at 5:45 A.M.

Get excited.


Anyway tonight was fun. Got to say bye to John before he left for Texas for good. At his going away dinner thing I got to see Lindsey Seitz. I haven't seen her in like 5 something years. Suddenly I see her at dinner. What a surprise. She seems like same ol' quirky Lindsey to me.

Oh I made a discovery tonight. I am interested in people.

I am interested in everyone's life.

I enjoy helping people.

Someday...it's going to amount to something.



I believe.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Exhausted

On the way home from bible study, I drove the whole way without any music. The cool thing about driving by yourself is that it kinda forces you to think. I turned the radio off and made 30 mins of alone time with my thoughts in the car.

Most of it cenetered around how I can't stop thinking about someone/thing. It really bothers me. Partly because I feel like I'm just wasting my time. After all, they/it is not thinking about you back so it's kind of like a one way losing battle.

On the other hand, what's the point of loving if you love simply to get something back in return?



Argh. This selfless thing is truly a struggle.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Paris, feelings, and that indescribable thing called love



I can't stand her. I couldn't be more convinced that she epitomizes spoiled. When you're notorious for making a sex tape, do you deserve to be famous? That isn't hot.

Yet, shouldn't I care about her?

The perplexing thing about this Christianity faith is that the more I've investigated what it's really about, the more I find out how truly difficult it is to be selfless. It's the perpetual process of shedding the focus off of yourself and instead pouring compassion on others.

This compassion for others is fine when it comes to "regulars." You know who these people are. The frail child in the alley who hasn't eaten in 4 days. The beaten wife who lay crying on the floor after another drunken outrage by "mr. right." The poor homeless person whose smell rivals that of a wet dog. Indeed, these people should very well hear about the wonderful news that they have a Savior who wants to enter a new friendship with them.





But what about Paris?

I don't want anything to do with Paris. She's getting what she deserves right? It's refreshing to see her finally cry after her hand me down wealth exclaims "I didn't have to lift a finger for this!" Her ignorant comments belittle the rest of us who actually have to do work to make ends meet. Quite simply, I have no motivation to be compassionate toward Paris.




But then I realized...

I'm even uglier than Paris.

Yet He still CHOSE to have compassion for me.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Sucky

It's still hurting badly. I thought I was getting better?

-_-

Monday, June 18, 2007

Minor Life Update

- For Father's Day, I ate with my family at Jonny Carinos. It was quite plain to be honest. I got my dad a card and the apple airport express thing. He has yet to use it or anything. I guess that means he didn't like it. Oh well. I got my brother a funny card and Stephanie (his wife) thought it was the most hilarious card she's ever read in her life. I made Tito Henry a home made thing and tried calling him on sunday. Tita Maricor thought the gift was awesome and supposedly Tito Henry liked it as well. Oh well...I suppose 2/3 isn't bad.

- I've been in school for a week now and have realized that I never missed school in the first place. Only one more year left until I'm done. I want to savor it while it lasts but oh well. I'm doing ok so far. I have a test next week and quizzes consistently every class period. Get excited.

- I start serving at Northpoint this wednesday. I got moved from lighting to audio and since I'm in audio I have to show up on wednesday for rehearsal. I think it'll be fun. I can't wait to start learning.

- Friday I'll be sharing at the bible study everything that happened while I've been in Florida. Speedwhat?

- Other than that, I think I've just been the regular cool guy that I've somehow always been. Such is the life with one Fred Godoy.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Creativity Reigns!

Too bad I'm running low on the Creative juices.

I want to write a song. I don't really know what it's going to be about. I don't really know what chords or whatever I'll use. I just know it's going to be amazing.

I'm going to have Felix (my computer) assist me in this endeavor. Garageband will be an application vital to this mission of mine. I'm going to burn it on something called a compact disc. I'm basically platinum already!

So let's review...

Guitar? check.

Vocals? check.

Vision? check.

Recording software? check.

Talent to make said song actually ear worthy? UH OH......




Don't worry. As soon as it's done you'll get a listen. Get excited.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

It would only happen to me

So I owe Georgia State University $1200+ dollars for tuition.

HOPE was supposed to pay for it but the financial aid office "hasn't reviewed" my form. They advise me to pay it myself now and just let HOPE reimburse me once they do review my form. "Ok" I think. That's doable.

So I go online to try and pay my tuition. Upon logging into the much lauded GOSOLAR system, I click on the "pay tuition and fees" link. I am redirected to the credit card page. In big bold letters it prominantly states "you will be charged 2.75% for a credit card fee" or some jazz like that.

My response?

"OH MY STARZ!!@ 2.75% of $1200!?! By my math....that's a lot of money!"

So I contrive the wise scheme to go into work late and just drive downtown and pay my tuition in person. That way I could save some money. Oh yeah get excited.

I arrive at the dungeon entitled sparks hall and proceed to the cashier. We exchanged pleasantries and I calmly handed her my GSU I.D. She then politely asks for the $1200 that I owe for tuition. I give her my credit card.

Puzzled at my piece of plastic, she cooly dismisses my card and retorts that they [GSU] doesn't accept credit cards for tuition. If I wanted to pay with my credit card, I would have to do it online.


awww nuts.



Moral of the story? God has a sense of humor.


fin

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

OH SNAPZ!

I'm feeling smart. Dorky smart.

Get excited.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Then it hit me.

No more hiding. I will be transparent with everyone. No more having people see only one side of Fred Godoy.

I struggle just like everyone else with this life thing.
I have many problems.
I find it just so hard.

Yet I'm still joyful. I believe that everything is happening for a greater purpose. Specifically His purpose.

I choose to follow you Jesus. I believe you're worth following.

2 steps forward...

one step back.

It's like I'm my own worse enemy. I feel like God can do all the renovating and stuff but I keep putting holes in the walls. As such, we have to redo a lot of stuff. It's ok. I'm still learning.

I'm not judged by my mistakes. There is no condemnation for those in Christ.

Hopefully I'll be able to just start getting on with it.

Breakthrough

I can't focus on the wrong thing. Not right now. Right now it's all about finishing this "getting over Glorie" process that is so painful. Yet, the thing that is so comforting is that I can almost feel Him helping me through it. It's humbling.

Yes, I still miss you dearly Glorie. But at this time I choose to trust that God must seperate us right now. In His wisdom, I choose to believe that He is doing what is necessary for our betterment. It is my desire that we end up together again in the future, but right now that seems trivial. What is important is that right now I am focused on Him and Him alone.

Let's get it.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

weary

Why can't I stop crying?

Friday, June 08, 2007

Aargh



My head hurts. This situation I'm in sure is painful. It's hard too.

I really hope that it's going to be worth it in the end. Sometimes the pain is so much that I don't believe it. Oh well.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

It sucks so bad

The thing that bothers me most is that I can't come to Glorie as a friend. So many good things are happening in my life right now. I can feel change happening. I'm so excited. I want to tell everybody. The person I most want to tell though is Glorie. She knows how far I've come. She knew me before Christ. She knew me after Christ. She would be happiest with this news. But...I feel like she doesn't want to hear about anything that's going on.

Which is what perplexes me the most. If she is my sister in Christ, why would she dispel me? Instead of encouraging me, she rejects me. The aim, I suppose, is to force me to be directed to the Lord, and only the Lord, but if this is the case then why would we need anyone on earth? There would be no need for community in general.

The other reason I can think of is that this is her defense. It's her guarding her heart. That would be fine as well...but I need to know that that's what it is. I want to try to just address it specifically but every time I talk to her she doesn't speak normally. Everything is referred to the Holy Spirit.

"The Holy Spirit led me to pick up your phone call after the 3rd time."

"The Holy Spirit is leading me to tell you..."

"I live through the Holy Spirit."

"This is what the Holy Spirit is telling me right now."


Don't get me wrong. I don't think anything is wrong with depending and living through the Holy Spirit 100% of the time. But this is confusing. I wonder if she talks to everyone this way...

Nonetheless, I'm here to support her. I just want to experience life with her you know? I want to do anything that I can to support her. I love her.

You hear that Glorieanne? I LOVE YOU. I pursue you. I choose you.

This must be what Jesus feels like whenever we don't pay attention to Him. It really sucks having one sided conversations.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Extreme Makeover - Fred Edition

You know what's kind of cool through this whole process? God doesn't just send me on vacation for 2 weeks and just let me do nothing.

Instead, He chooses to let me be hands-on with the renovation process. I'm actively involved in the process of constructing the planned design of the master architect.

I just keep hitting myself with the hammer though. X(

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Pursuing Radiance

Oh my stars. It couldn't have been more obvious. Yet I missed the point the entire time.

This excruciatingly painful abyss that I thought I was in really isn't a bottomless pit. It's simply the ruins of my former self. That may sound rather mystic so let me explain myself.

God is working in me, Fred Godoy. This project, we'll call it "Extreme Makeover-Fred edition" is currently in progress. In order to make me into the masterpiece that I was originally designed to be, He has had to break down the tarnished, rustic mansion that I was grounding myself in before. God came along, with his wrecking ball of transformation, and has completely shattered everything I thought I could hold on to.

So this is where I currently stand.

I'm crying on top of the ruins of the beautiful dream that once stood so proudly. Renovation is a painful, emotional process. Yet that's the thing...it's merely a process. It's a means and not an end. The Light of hope that shines so radiantly in this situation is that I am given assurance that the end will be worth the grueling process.

So the choice is given to me. Either I trust in God in this situation or I don't trust Him. Choose to chase the small glimmer of light that I see piercing the darkness or dwell in the infinite sorrow of a broken heart.

Restoration here I come.

Focus

It looks like I've found myself at the bottom of the hill again.

Rats. This is a problem considering I thought I made real progress going back uphill. Oh well. I guess it's just more for me to learn right?

I wrote Glorie this super long email yesterday (and when I say super long, I mean SUPER DUPER long). Laced within this email was all kinds of emotion and hurt and all this gumbo. The aim was to be completely transparent with her, so that I would be given some sort of closure and not feel like I was still holding back.

Anyway, the overall sentiment came off as me being somewhat of a hurt person because...well...I'm hurting. I just don't feel like she cares about me you know?

Her response?

Not one time did she said she did care about me. Oh and the other guy in the picture is very much still in her picture. So much so that I'm probably out of the picture.

Hence me being at the bottom again. I'm hurting so bad right now it's not even funny.

But it's ok.

I sincerely pray that He would give me the maturity and the genuine love to be able to support Glorie especially when I'm so weak. For when I'm weak, He is strong.

I kind of parallel what I'm going through to a fruit. It's only when you squeeze fruit the hardest that you truly get to see what it's made of. If it's sweet, then truly something miraculous was going on in the indside all of this time. If what comes out is bitter, then all it was in the first place was a pretty face.

With that said, I'm more than confident that I'm being molded to be something truly sweet.

Let the character building begin, Jesus. I am broken.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

stupidity

I can't stop being an idiot.

Friday, June 01, 2007

More observations

I think that what the world needs now more than anything are people who are willing to be true friends to each other. This true friendship requires transparency that is seldom found nowadays.

Imagine having a friend who never kept anything from you. Who asks curiously about some of the things you try to keep hidden in your life. Who lovingly reprimands you when you are wrong. Who supports you when you're feeling great as well as when you're the scum of the earth. Said friend would never slander.

In the same regard, this friend would also fail. Yet in their humility, they would show that they are human as well. They would ask for forgiveness and move on; always keeping aware of the valuable lessons learned from such a hard experience. They would say I'm sorry and mean it.

Oh and when you lay your head down at night, you would smile because you know that they're praying for you...just doing their part in supporting you. What a friend.