Thursday, May 31, 2007

Light in Darkness

Most astounding in my opinion is not the enormous mountain of sin that I have created; Rather, it's the mount of grace that triumphs said mountain so completely.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Cashier or Self-Checkout

I was doing some grocery shopping tonight at the local store. Didn't buy anything real fancy...mostly stuff for the sandwich that I love to eat. The only reason this shopping trip was noteworthy was the surprise at the end.

The self-checkout line and the regular cashier line were both completely open. The choice was mine. I chose to visit the cashier. It wasn't cause I was lazy and didn't feel like scanning my groceries myself. No, I chose to visit the cashier because I truly thought in my head (I wonder which line Jesus would go through).

That may sound a little Jesus-freak like...but I guess I'm turning into one of those. I thought about how any sort of conversation may help the lady who got paid to scan my groceries. So the ordeal began with the requisite small talk. I then began to probe as to how much this lady would reveal to me. Turns out that working at the grocery store is her second job and that she works at Home Depot at 6 in the morning.

No wonder she was tired. I let her know that I hoped she would feel better and have a great rest of the night. She said thanks for asking how she was. I left the grocery store assured that EVERYONE wants someone to care about them. Even tired old women who have to work two jobs. I was honored I could be used to encourage that lady.

Yet I wonder...would I have done the same if her lane was full of people? Maybe I'll try it someday. Just to see if it's worth the wait. :)

Monday, May 28, 2007

Truth

I found this quote on my friend's facebook:

"The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly." -Thomas Paine



Amazing.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Christianity

I'm reading a book right now that I've found to be quite pleasant. It's called "Velvet Elvis" written by a guy named Rob Bell. I'm a little bit more than half way through the book and am quite excited to finish it.

Anyway, there's a part in the book that really resonated with my soul. Here it is from Chapter Three in the book:

"Being a Christian is not cutting yourself off from real life; it is entering into it more fully. It is not failing to go deeper; it is going deeper than ever. It is a journey into the heart of how things really are. What is it that makes you feel alive? What is it that makes your soul soar?"

I love the way that he puts it. It's so eloquent and extremely profound. It's not that your being less of a person when you become a Christian, it's that you are delving into it more fully. What a concept.

Personally, I've chosen to follow Jesus because I've experienced this "fuller" living firsthand. It's not that I enter into this dramatical blissful life as soon as I enter a personal relationship with Jesus (in fact my life has become a lot harder since following Jesus), rather it's feeling empty holes being filled with something truly satisfying that has made the greatest impact to me.

Andy Stanley compares it to a renovation. So, imagine extreme makeover--Fred edition. I like the word renovate. I looked it up in the dictionary. Apparently it stems from Latin (renovat) and it originally meant "made new again." The analogy applies to me because my "before" life was quite stupid. After the extremely messy process of renovation (and mind you I'm still heavily under construction), the "after" is what you see right now.

I think we have the superior Fred Godoy right now.


I don't know...I can't articulate myself easily right now. Hopefully I'll continue this with a focused mind tomorrow.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Growth begins

I think I'm starting to grow.

Don't get me wrong...I still think about my Glow every single minute of every day, but it's quite an advancement from the every SECOND of every day that had been going on. Perhaps one of the reasons is that it's simply starting to make sense to me.

1) Through my personal experience, there has to be God (or at the very least Someone controling everything). I refuse to call this phoenoemena "fate" for to call it fate would be to credit a non-existant thing for very real things. To say that it doesn't exist (and by extension leave everything to chance) would make everything too unrealistic. I find it personally preposterous to believe that everything happens coincidentally. Hence my arrival to this conclusion.

2) If God is truly all-knowing (as well as all-powerful and all-loving), then the mere events transpiring in my life are surely no surprise to Him. Further, if He is genuinely interested in giving me the opportunity to live life to the fullest, then everything I'm going through must be for a greater purpose. If such, then the phase I'm going through right now is a good thing.

3) If it truly is a good thing, then I should relish the moment and realize that I'm heading from worse to better.




What a relief.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

It continues

I don't think I could be any more tired of crying. I miss Glorie so much. so, so much.

I'm trying to learn how to "let go." Everyone keeps telling me that if I should let go and see what happens. Supposedly, if it is truly meant to be, then we will be back together no matter what happens. On the other hand, if I let go and we don't get back together, we weren't supposed to be together in the first place...which is exactly what I'm so scared of.

Quite honestly, how do you let go of the most precious person in your life? This has been the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn in my life.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The door is already closed cont.

Dear Father,

If there were ever a time that I needed you, truly it is now.

I just can't comprehend why Glorie would hurt me so much. Why would she do such things? It hurts badly.

Worst of all, I don't know how exactly I am supposed to react. I know that I am supposed to have faith that You are in control of the situation and that ultimately You're working things for my better interest, but if I can just have a moment to be honest...I just don't truly believe that with my heart right now. What good can come out of this? My eyes have run out of tears to expel. It hurts every single time I think about it. I just want to know that it's going to be beautiful in the end... Why does it have to be so excruciating? She's so precious to me.

More than anything, I simply ask for peace. I want nothing but the best for her. If she is never going to be in my life again, I truly consider it a blessing to be able to have shared four of the most fabulous years of my life with her. I hope that other guy treats her like the princess that she is--any less is simply unsatisfactory. Father, if you would be so kind as to cover me in grace right now, please help me find peace in the fact that she's in Your hands. Help me truly comprehend the fact that You're in control.

Cause right now...I'm running low on faith.

The door is already closed

What a fitting way to end my trip in Florida huh?

It's as if I didn't exist. I don't know why it is the ones whom you put the most trust in that hurt you the most. Nonetheless, I don't hold it against you.

I still love you.

I'm crazy about you. I'm dying to know how your life is.

I just don't have the access anymore....




Oh what I would give for just one more moment with you...