Although I should be working right now, I have chosen to take time out to write here.
There has been a lot going on through my head. Often times I would want to write and write and write but I simply haven't. Naturally, there has developed a build up of colliding processes and random tangents that it's been particularly difficult to manage.
I feel like my life has compacted on me pretty badly. I used to be so quick to reflect. So eager to pause and consider. But now I'm finding that I just kind of let whatever happens happen.
This is unlike me. This vicarious "live and let live" mentality. Purpose is an incredible thing to have guide you through life. Yet, with it firmly to my side, I've been almost whimsical in using said tool. Tragic.
All in all I don't know what I'm going through. Spiritually, I'm still finding time to read my bible and pray regularly, but it feels like a "going through the motions" kind of lifestyle. Something is definitely off.
I wonder where my faith has gone. I used to have such confidence that God was HUGE. Now He's just (theoretically) big.
It's probably a culmination of a variety of different decisions and ends. Relationships that have gone awry, potential that has quickly faded, expectations that were never met, and this innate feeling of disappointment from other people counting on me.
Whatever.
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2 comments:
maybe that's His way of telling you that you may need to stop "thinking" so much. what I mean by that is that He may not want you to dissect every little thing, complain about this and that, and have some theologcal revelation for each time you write. Maybe He wants you to just have your mind in a constant posture that knows that if even if everything doesn't go the way you feel it should happen, He's STILL in control and is STILL looking out for your best interest.
THINK about that.
Although I'm sure you meant well, you should be cognizant of how your tone comes across.
There's wisdom in the sentiment of the message you are trying to convey, but it gets lost with the way you say it. I suppose you were trying to spur me on to refocus, but it felt pretty condescending on my end.
Please be aware that if you're making your inferences simply based on the matter discussed here, then you would be doing so based solely on the premise of a snapshot in time. These "footprints" I have left are not the whole story; rather, they're windows to merely peek inside the room that is my life.
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