melancholy and daybreak

It's been a pretty epic week in terms of life.

There's been another dilemma in the craziness that is New York Life. I haven't received an email back from Brian but I made a very strong case for myself. I am hopeful that at some point this week I will have my meeting with Brian but I don't have any control over any of that in the meantime.

I'm better from a relationship standpoint though. I think I finally hit that breakthrough part where I FINALLY understand that Kristy simply doesn't care about me or my time as much as I care about her. It's difficult to be in this position, but at least this time I have the benefit of experience. This sort of ordeal so closely echoes what I've already gone through with Glorie that it's kinda humorous. It hurts just as bad, but when you put yourself out on the line for someone the pain is a risk that one has to take. Theorhetically the pain is so worth it if the other person is willing to equally put themselves out on the line. But that's just it--it must be mutually submission/affection. Since that clearly isn't the case with Kristy, I end up with the short end of the stick.

I remain hopeful though. There's good news for those in hopeless situations like me. There's an ongoing initiative labeled "redemption" for anyone interested. Where those crying in darkness (me) can trade in their freshly embered ashes for beautiful restoration. You just have to know where to look.

I haven't quite latched onto it, but I'm at least back on the train. And, it feels good knowing that I can move in a forward direction--even if I'm reluctant to let anyone else carry all my luggage. But smiles eventually sprinkle around life again. And the warmth of love will come.

Who knows...maybe there's hope for me yet.