Friday Night Thoughts

It happened when I was driving home.

I had just finished some epic matches with Terri, Anthony, and Van (where yours truly was part of the victorious squad each time). We went back to Terri's house where I met up with Phuong and saw the kids. I gave them all the stuff I got for them while in Toronto (just two hockey sticks and some candy). Of course the other one was there, cooking. It was kind of an awkward exchange but whatever I got the money for my falcons tickets. They pleaded for me to stay for dinner but, knowing it wouldn't be wise, I politely declined.

On the way home, I had a feeling that I knew that they were feeling. The fact that I so easily integrated into their lives but something wasn't quite right due to the fact that no one really knew why I wasn't a more apparent part in the first place. The elephant in the room, of course, is the fact that there's a very poor relationship between Kristy and me now. We can both say the right things and act the right way, but I never can quite recall when being fake was superior to being transparent.

I wish I were able to have a better relationship with Kristy, but I'm slowly conceding that that very issue is no longer within my sphere of influence; that is, if any sort of relationship between us is to be made better, either Kristy or God will have to take initiative because I've literally exhausted all the influence I had to begin with. Moreover, Kristy specifically has to be the one who wants it. And frankly, she doesn't.

So, as I was on my 30 minute journey from Terri's house to my own, I just pressed shuffle on the iPod and just let myself be alone with my thoughts. Instead I just ended up worshiping God. As poor of a parallel as it may be, just as I have yet to give up on pursuing a very deep friendship with Kristy, I don't think God has quite given up on pursuing a very deep friendship with me. Further, my persistent let downs and flakiness don't seem to diminish my value in God's eyes in much the same way I still think the world of Kristy. When you have someone in your life who is so unequivocally for you like that, it's very easy to take that person for granted. I think I understand more now.

I ended my ride with "Your Grace is Sufficient." Oh how I desire to be that mature someday in my walk with Christ. The fact that God's grace is singularly gratifying to me. At the moment, I'm much too immature and too easily satisfied by worldy things (namely Babolat tennis products). But some day, I am confident that my relationship with God will venture out from the kiddie pool.

Until then, I'm grateful to have such a wonderful Person in my life.