Saturday, September 19, 2009

friday night thoughts

oh noes.

The day progressed today and so did my thoughts. One dangerous one in particular surfaced quite clearly.

It is possible (likely even) that part of the reason that I try so hard with Kristy is because I want to receive glory (that's christian-speak for credit or praise) for the story. That is, if she were to ever "come around" and start appreciating me or whatever, it would be because of MY faithfulness and MY patience with her the whole way.

This is entirely contradictory to the creed of selflessness that I aspire to.

The implication being that my relinquishing everything about Kristy to God means that I also take no more credit for anything that goes on in her life. It is an open embrace to the reality that, from this point forward, anything that happens in her life would be her choice and undeniable prompting of the Holy Spirit. Any influence I will have had up to that point would be but one of many factors to a greater story of God.

Crap.

I wanted a Disney type of thing.

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