Life.
- Only an hour and a half until I lead some guys into scary, scary waters. I've been through a lot--but now it's time to leverage the journey for other people's benefit.
- Received an email today from someone I haven't talked to in a really long time. Good to hear from them but don't know how to handle that relationship either.
- More job propostitions are coming in. It's looking more promising. I didn't get the one that would've moved me overseas...but it's nice to know that I'm not at the bottom of the hill anymore.
- Philosopher A. Keys says it best, "some people think that the physical things define what's within. I've been there before but that life's a bore--so full of the superficial."
- Go Andrew Garcia!!!!!
- I may be crazy but I think one of my talents may be cultivating. HAven't explored this full on but it's getting there.
- Biloxi here I come?
Thursday, January 28, 2010
late night thought
As hard as I've tried, there's one thing I can't seem to figure out--what exactly do you do with the relationships that, although once were truly precious, are now awkward at best?
It happened tonight when I thought about Kristy.
The writing is clearly everywhere regarding this woman..
- none of my close friends like her (well...at least what they've heard of how she's treated me).
- she's shown repeated disregard for my feelings.
- she has demonstrated an indifferent attitude toward my interests.
- she's been deceptive regarding several issues in our past.
- she hasn't been nearly the friend to me that I've been to her.
Everyone and their mother tells me to stay far far away from her. But I miss her friendship. Our late night conversations about the weird things that we both enjoy. Our interests in the "other" things. Our ability to laugh during the awkward moments.
I guess these are all things that I could find in other friends. But I am so morose when I reflect on how quickly our friendship has deteriorated. I feel almost as if it's my fault.
I really miss you Kristy.
It happened tonight when I thought about Kristy.
The writing is clearly everywhere regarding this woman..
- none of my close friends like her (well...at least what they've heard of how she's treated me).
- she's shown repeated disregard for my feelings.
- she has demonstrated an indifferent attitude toward my interests.
- she's been deceptive regarding several issues in our past.
- she hasn't been nearly the friend to me that I've been to her.
Everyone and their mother tells me to stay far far away from her. But I miss her friendship. Our late night conversations about the weird things that we both enjoy. Our interests in the "other" things. Our ability to laugh during the awkward moments.
I guess these are all things that I could find in other friends. But I am so morose when I reflect on how quickly our friendship has deteriorated. I feel almost as if it's my fault.
I really miss you Kristy.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
the to be continued
An interesting two days.
After the crazyness of monday, I supposed it was fitting that on friday I had to work with both parties for an extended amount of time. It was weird. There was tension in the air. There was political correctness. I wasn't as chipper as I normally was.
Instead, I found that I simply worked. And by work and mean work. I did my monkey starbucks chores the best I could. I kind of think that the whole jazz from monday was simply a ploy to get me to work harder and I was a sucker for falling for it. But man if it is that it sure is effective.
One thing I have come to realize is that just because I understand a concept that should be universally applied, I have no right to expect other people to make the same discovery. That is, just because I am able to look in the mirror and see my own faults, I shouldn't expect other people to look at their own mirrors. In fact, I don't think it's that big of a stretch to say that some people live their entire lives pointing a finger out the window into other people's lives and never once looking themselves in the mirror.
And, while that isn't satisfying to me, it's something I have learned to receive.
Another principle I have discovered as a result of this mess is that I am only accountable to God for me. I used to think God owed me explanations for why things happen. Why was I treated this way? Why did this have to happen to me? Why whatever. But what I've come to realize is that I have no grounds to approach God in that way at all. If the belief is that I cannot get to heaven through my own good works (ha!) but solely through Jesus, then there is a flip side to that. By believing that only forgiven people go to heaven would be to also believe that God is holy/righteous and owes nothing to anyone.
So, for me to demand an explanation, would be sorta like a little kid getting angry at their parents for not buying him a toy a target. The parent desires to give the best to the child...but that doesn't mean that the child always understands what's best for him.
The more I delve into this faith the more ridiculous it becomes. Awesome.
After the crazyness of monday, I supposed it was fitting that on friday I had to work with both parties for an extended amount of time. It was weird. There was tension in the air. There was political correctness. I wasn't as chipper as I normally was.
Instead, I found that I simply worked. And by work and mean work. I did my monkey starbucks chores the best I could. I kind of think that the whole jazz from monday was simply a ploy to get me to work harder and I was a sucker for falling for it. But man if it is that it sure is effective.
One thing I have come to realize is that just because I understand a concept that should be universally applied, I have no right to expect other people to make the same discovery. That is, just because I am able to look in the mirror and see my own faults, I shouldn't expect other people to look at their own mirrors. In fact, I don't think it's that big of a stretch to say that some people live their entire lives pointing a finger out the window into other people's lives and never once looking themselves in the mirror.
And, while that isn't satisfying to me, it's something I have learned to receive.
Another principle I have discovered as a result of this mess is that I am only accountable to God for me. I used to think God owed me explanations for why things happen. Why was I treated this way? Why did this have to happen to me? Why whatever. But what I've come to realize is that I have no grounds to approach God in that way at all. If the belief is that I cannot get to heaven through my own good works (ha!) but solely through Jesus, then there is a flip side to that. By believing that only forgiven people go to heaven would be to also believe that God is holy/righteous and owes nothing to anyone.
So, for me to demand an explanation, would be sorta like a little kid getting angry at their parents for not buying him a toy a target. The parent desires to give the best to the child...but that doesn't mean that the child always understands what's best for him.
The more I delve into this faith the more ridiculous it becomes. Awesome.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
better
Had a great day at work today.
Turns out that I wasn't the only one who got feedback and that the opinion regarding me is quite varied among the people. Generally speaking, a lot of people would be just fine if everyone in the store were more like me. Now, I know that's easy since I'm so awesome (j/k?) but it helps to understand that this is probably why I was so peeved yesterday. I was being told something that wasn't true and was almost forced to accept it as truth.
Not much else happened. My dad loved the headphones I got him for his birthday . I won my tennis match. Hooray?
Tomorrow is a new day; and I'm very much looking forward to it.
Turns out that I wasn't the only one who got feedback and that the opinion regarding me is quite varied among the people. Generally speaking, a lot of people would be just fine if everyone in the store were more like me. Now, I know that's easy since I'm so awesome (j/k?) but it helps to understand that this is probably why I was so peeved yesterday. I was being told something that wasn't true and was almost forced to accept it as truth.
Not much else happened. My dad loved the headphones I got him for his birthday . I won my tennis match. Hooray?
Tomorrow is a new day; and I'm very much looking forward to it.
Monday, January 18, 2010
officially going crazy
I had a very weird day at work today.
Work wise, nothing was that much different than anything else. Same junk as we just served customers and did whatever. Yet, it was as I was finishing allocating the tip money that things became real interesting.
Amy, a fellow barista, came and wanted to converse with me. Eventually discussion shifted as to why I didn't want to work another saturday night again (it will be the 4th week in a row this saturday and will have been the 5th if I got scheduled for next week). I stated that I especially didn't like Mary Katherine closes.
My opinion is simply that often times closers get relegated the really terrible grunt work of the store. It's a lot of cleaning and a lot of restocking. I recognize that there's nothing necessarily wrong with this picture; it has to get done sometime. My biggest problem is that Mary Katherine likes doing stuff on top of the regular closing duties. The extra stuff being chores that won't really count for much in the long term (like cleaning the inside of a cabinet for instance). That and I will usually only get one 10 minute break for a 4-6 hour shift when she's working.
Anyway, all this aside, eventually I voiced some of my complaints and the discussion suddenly shifted to a "let's talk about what fred needs to work on session." Now, I'm the biggest fan of constructive and helpful feedback, but today I just felt like there was a lot of tension in the air about things people wanted to say but just didn't have the balls to do it.
Apparently the biggest criticism about my work is that I'm too slow. That is, I do a really great job at everything that's expected of me...I just don't do it fast enough. This is problematic given that Starbucks is growing more and more concerned about how fast people get their drinks. The concern compounds when you take into account that I don't do the monkey work chores very quickly either.
I got pretty upset the rest of the day. I couldn't make sense of the fact that I was being singled out on the one attribute I was average at. And I don't really think it's fair to hold me accountable at something that isn't a strength of mine. It's like asking a bad typist to step up their game and type faster. Why not instead of working on a weakness, delegate it instead? That is, if I'm not good a typing (but I'm good at editing), just pair up with a good typist while I do all the editing? More stuff gets done and both people don't go crazy trying to do something they aren't good at.
I'm still unpeaceful about this but whatever. We'll see what happens.
Work wise, nothing was that much different than anything else. Same junk as we just served customers and did whatever. Yet, it was as I was finishing allocating the tip money that things became real interesting.
Amy, a fellow barista, came and wanted to converse with me. Eventually discussion shifted as to why I didn't want to work another saturday night again (it will be the 4th week in a row this saturday and will have been the 5th if I got scheduled for next week). I stated that I especially didn't like Mary Katherine closes.
My opinion is simply that often times closers get relegated the really terrible grunt work of the store. It's a lot of cleaning and a lot of restocking. I recognize that there's nothing necessarily wrong with this picture; it has to get done sometime. My biggest problem is that Mary Katherine likes doing stuff on top of the regular closing duties. The extra stuff being chores that won't really count for much in the long term (like cleaning the inside of a cabinet for instance). That and I will usually only get one 10 minute break for a 4-6 hour shift when she's working.
Anyway, all this aside, eventually I voiced some of my complaints and the discussion suddenly shifted to a "let's talk about what fred needs to work on session." Now, I'm the biggest fan of constructive and helpful feedback, but today I just felt like there was a lot of tension in the air about things people wanted to say but just didn't have the balls to do it.
Apparently the biggest criticism about my work is that I'm too slow. That is, I do a really great job at everything that's expected of me...I just don't do it fast enough. This is problematic given that Starbucks is growing more and more concerned about how fast people get their drinks. The concern compounds when you take into account that I don't do the monkey work chores very quickly either.
I got pretty upset the rest of the day. I couldn't make sense of the fact that I was being singled out on the one attribute I was average at. And I don't really think it's fair to hold me accountable at something that isn't a strength of mine. It's like asking a bad typist to step up their game and type faster. Why not instead of working on a weakness, delegate it instead? That is, if I'm not good a typing (but I'm good at editing), just pair up with a good typist while I do all the editing? More stuff gets done and both people don't go crazy trying to do something they aren't good at.
I'm still unpeaceful about this but whatever. We'll see what happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
