In case you didn't know...
The #3 way to get me extremely angry is to work with me and not do what you have to do. By accomplishing this, you will successfuly make it so that I have to work harder to compensate for your shortcomings.
Oh and also never take responsibility for your fault. Persistently deflect the fact that your mess is the result of someone else's actions. That is the cherry on top.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
And so I prayed.
Dear Lord,
It's been awhile. Recently I've been buying into the lie that my voice is much too small for your sensitive ears to hear. Please forgive me. Often times I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm talking about.
A lot of times I try to carry my problems all by myself. What a heavy burden they've grown to be. I'm so weird. Why would the ant even try to lift the rock by himself? Surely huge tasks are best left to huge people. And so Lord...I finally choose to give you what's yours.
I always feel like I'm letting You down. Why am I feeling these things?
I'm confused with the way people keep giving me mixed signals. Why doesn't it make sense?
Why is it that the people who are supposed to be Christians in my life often fail to be...well...Christians?
Then there's the others..
What can I do to help other people? Why aren't I doing it?
What can I do to be a better leader? Why am I no acting on it?
Why is it that I always have to look at other girls? Why does my mind always wander?
Why can't I keep any close friends? Am I that bizarre?
Lord, You know all things. Certainly these small issues of mine have not escaped Your attention. Sometimes I just get frustrated when You don't respond. I need to know You're working. Perhaps I'm not focusing on Your voice enough.
Help me to pursue You the same way You pursue me.
Amen.
It's been awhile. Recently I've been buying into the lie that my voice is much too small for your sensitive ears to hear. Please forgive me. Often times I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm talking about.
A lot of times I try to carry my problems all by myself. What a heavy burden they've grown to be. I'm so weird. Why would the ant even try to lift the rock by himself? Surely huge tasks are best left to huge people. And so Lord...I finally choose to give you what's yours.
I always feel like I'm letting You down. Why am I feeling these things?
I'm confused with the way people keep giving me mixed signals. Why doesn't it make sense?
Why is it that the people who are supposed to be Christians in my life often fail to be...well...Christians?
Then there's the others..
What can I do to help other people? Why aren't I doing it?
What can I do to be a better leader? Why am I no acting on it?
Why is it that I always have to look at other girls? Why does my mind always wander?
Why can't I keep any close friends? Am I that bizarre?
Lord, You know all things. Certainly these small issues of mine have not escaped Your attention. Sometimes I just get frustrated when You don't respond. I need to know You're working. Perhaps I'm not focusing on Your voice enough.
Help me to pursue You the same way You pursue me.
Amen.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Ever feel like you're just running away?
At times, I find my self running. I find myself especially running away from the Lord. No, not a physical kind of running. Rather, a mental kind of running.
I only find myself in this precarious position when I have done something bad. It's become somewhat of a repeatable process.
Do the bad thing.
Feel really guilty about it.
Discontinue anything "good" that I used to do before.
Continue sulking.
Sink even deeper into a pool of melancholy.
The situation progressively worsens until I finally get the wisdom to simply reconcile my relationship with Jesus.
Looking at it now, I believe that this running comes from a distoreted view of God. Instead of the loving God, I view the judging God. The one who sits atop His celestial throne and waits till I do something wrong so that He can point the finger of accusation at me. Who the balls would want to face a God like that?
It's a good thing that the bible doesn't confirm any of this misconception. The bible actually goes into a paradoxical kind of explanation at the true nature of God. I've been able to most identify with the way it's presented in Hosea. In the story, Hosea gets cheated on by his wife multiple times. Despite this, his love never wavers for her. Despite the fact that it hurts every single time, he continues to love.
The analogy is perfectly obvious. We are the bride of Christ. Everytime we sin, we hurt Him. It's as if it's the equivalent of cheating in a marriage. How absolutely devastated would the victim be? How absolutely profound would it be if the victim chose to forgive and continue the relationship? Notice how I didn't say forgive and forget, though. No...rather the past does not get brought up again. Forgiveness settles in and the Love conquers and embodied bitterness that may have been harbored by the victim.
That's really interesting. The question now is how then shall I respond.
I only find myself in this precarious position when I have done something bad. It's become somewhat of a repeatable process.
Do the bad thing.
Feel really guilty about it.
Discontinue anything "good" that I used to do before.
Continue sulking.
Sink even deeper into a pool of melancholy.
The situation progressively worsens until I finally get the wisdom to simply reconcile my relationship with Jesus.
Looking at it now, I believe that this running comes from a distoreted view of God. Instead of the loving God, I view the judging God. The one who sits atop His celestial throne and waits till I do something wrong so that He can point the finger of accusation at me. Who the balls would want to face a God like that?
It's a good thing that the bible doesn't confirm any of this misconception. The bible actually goes into a paradoxical kind of explanation at the true nature of God. I've been able to most identify with the way it's presented in Hosea. In the story, Hosea gets cheated on by his wife multiple times. Despite this, his love never wavers for her. Despite the fact that it hurts every single time, he continues to love.
The analogy is perfectly obvious. We are the bride of Christ. Everytime we sin, we hurt Him. It's as if it's the equivalent of cheating in a marriage. How absolutely devastated would the victim be? How absolutely profound would it be if the victim chose to forgive and continue the relationship? Notice how I didn't say forgive and forget, though. No...rather the past does not get brought up again. Forgiveness settles in and the Love conquers and embodied bitterness that may have been harbored by the victim.
That's really interesting. The question now is how then shall I respond.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
So..
It's been a while. I believe I'll just blurb just one observation for now.
Last week my radio got stolen from my car. It was weird. While I was obviously angry that my precious radio had been wrongfully taken from me (it cost me 250 USD), one of the things that I did was thank the Lord that I still had my car. This action was praised by Glorie. I truly didn't do/say anything for her approval, but my actions "shows much about my character" according to her. What a compliment.
The aftermath of such a theft is the unexpected time to myself that I know have. Driving alone without a radio has given me a lot of time to just think. I suggest everyone do it once a week. You'll be surprised at how much patience you gain (or for some lose). It really just shows how much people can't stand silence. Maybe it's something about the stillness that proves that the Lord is watching. I dunno. Whatever it is, I think it can only be healthy.
Last week my radio got stolen from my car. It was weird. While I was obviously angry that my precious radio had been wrongfully taken from me (it cost me 250 USD), one of the things that I did was thank the Lord that I still had my car. This action was praised by Glorie. I truly didn't do/say anything for her approval, but my actions "shows much about my character" according to her. What a compliment.
The aftermath of such a theft is the unexpected time to myself that I know have. Driving alone without a radio has given me a lot of time to just think. I suggest everyone do it once a week. You'll be surprised at how much patience you gain (or for some lose). It really just shows how much people can't stand silence. Maybe it's something about the stillness that proves that the Lord is watching. I dunno. Whatever it is, I think it can only be healthy.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Dear Glorie,
I wish I could talk to you. I wish you there was someway you could experience how heavy my heart sinks everytime we talk. I desire to connect with you. I so badly want to act like we're "just friends" but I think it's so impossible. I wish I could do it--pretend like I feel nothing for you. I can't.
You are so amazing. I think the world of you. I am absolutely disarmed by you. I love you.
Apparently those bonds were not strong enough to bind us together. I wasn't strong enough to lead us to a place where we would be spiritually fortified. As a result I get these feelings.
The feeling of my heart fluttering everytime I hear your custom ringtone. The feeling of my heart violently falling everytime my phone says "call ended." The desolate emptiness that billow in the moments there after. The same feelings that gave elicited tears from these hardened eye sockets for the past week and a half.
It's too bad you have no idea.
You are so amazing. I think the world of you. I am absolutely disarmed by you. I love you.
Apparently those bonds were not strong enough to bind us together. I wasn't strong enough to lead us to a place where we would be spiritually fortified. As a result I get these feelings.
The feeling of my heart fluttering everytime I hear your custom ringtone. The feeling of my heart violently falling everytime my phone says "call ended." The desolate emptiness that billow in the moments there after. The same feelings that gave elicited tears from these hardened eye sockets for the past week and a half.
It's too bad you have no idea.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
Dilemma
What to do when you know what to do yet choose not to do it? Furthermore you know that what you do is not to be done, yet you ignore all warning against doing it.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
