So that was the reason why

Ever since last year, I made it intentional to stop frequenting facebook so often.

Originally, it was just because I didn't want to waste a lot of time on the internet and stuff (this is also why I don't go on youtube all that often). I realized pretty early that I would mindlessly drone around just clicking people's pages and filling up my time doing stuff like that. So I thought it would be wise to cut that out. Eventually, a lot of the drama from last year happened, so it became even easier to make the transition to stop visiting FB because so many friends/everything would remind me of her. That would invariably lead back to reflection on the situation then a lot of brain hurting would ensue thereafter.

Tonight marks the first time I've gone on the site in more than a month. I did it to be somewhat polite. There were a bunch of people doing friend requests and all this jazz so it's kind of improper etiquette to not respond to those things. But, just like I remembered, something naturally led to her.

And it sucked.

I tried keeping my thoughts captive and really focusing on keeping a grateful heart. It seems as if she is pretty happy now and everyone I know is happy along with her. I'm happy for them. Perhaps Mr. E can prevail where I and prince charming failed. She certainly seemed happy enough.

Although I really can't discount the fact that, more than her, I started missing a lot of related people. Like the sister. I think she texted me the other day (pretty sure cause it reeked of praise-isms) but didn't know to be sure. I miss all of them so much.

Alas, I suppose that it's my place, at least for right now, to continue to play my support role. If the best thing that I can do is pray then I will continue to pray. If my faith is contingent on waiting for God's timing, then I'm complain the whole time I'm waiting. And the moment never comes when true restoration arrives, then I still won't consider any of it for loss.

Because love isn't a loss.