Sunday Night Thoughts

I'm feeling pretty contemplative.

At some point I walked around church today and simply asked rhetorically, "why?" Why do I do all this stuff anyway?

Why do I spend half of my day at church, getting there before the sun is even up, just so I can do something as menial as operate the camera for 3 services?
Why do I wake up early at all on sunday at the first place when perhaps I could spend that time recovering from a late night saturday binge?


Then things branched out to belief questions in general.

Why do I believe in God anyway?
Why do I follow Jesus?
Wouldn't it be easier to just kind of gravitate toward whatever is popular in culture?
Isn't it ok to simply go with "what feels right" and let everyone believe what they want?
And honestly, why is Christianity worth pursuing when a lot of people who claim to be Christians don't follow the instructions of Christ?



I stood in place and just kind of looked into the parking lot alone with my thoughts. Then, as I looked at all the cars and into the horizon where the sun was conveniently above the trees I settled upon something that was curiously sweet. And it didn't completely resolve until I was back in the director's suite watching video that I had a more profound appreciation from what I believe was something Holy Spirit given.

It is my choice to follow Jesus. Specifically, it is my choice to completely surrender my life (and what I think is in my best interest) to Him and what He knows my best interest to be. But the natural question asked will be, "well how do you know that Jesus knows? How do you know He's even real at all? Is He really worth following?"

And that, in my opinion, is the empirical question of faith. Because even if Jesus isn't, then the question will still beg to be answered. And accordingly, that is what one's life will count toward. So then it will become a question of what one's life is worth devoting to.

For me, I believe with my entire being that Jesus is true life because every time I focus and truly pursue "walking" with Him, I live in the most serene feeling of peace I've ever experienced in my entire life. Further, there's an intense joy that comes with it that is greater than any sort of drunken, intoxicated pleasure I've explored in this life.

Make note, this does not guarantee that being a Christian entails some sort of stress free lifestyle. Quite the opposite in fact. In many ways, being a Christian only complicates things because the standard that everyone is supposed to live up to is so exacting that it can become incredibly daunting. Case in point--some of the most incredibly hypocritical words I've ever heard in my life came from people I know to be Christians.

But the truth, as I discovered today, is that my entire hope is fixated on Jesus. If He isn't worth it and He isn't who He says He is, then I'm the biggest dummy in the whole wide world. But I'm serious in believing that God is who He says He is. And further, I am who He says I am.

And that's what makes the difference.