the other end of relationships

I had a chance to meet up with a former colleague today at Starbucks.

I've never really known this person too well. We've always been pretty casual acquaintances at best but nothing too great. For some reason today he decided to confide in me.

I discovered that lately he's been having a "sex buddy" relationship with an asian girl. They talked about how the sex was great and that whenever they hung out it was awesome. He went into detail about how he found her at the perfect time because she had freshly decided that she was going to start rebelling against her parents (and thus the promiscuity I suppose).

He went on to state that he was starting to develop feelings for her and that she was doing the same. However, when he swung for the fences and asked her out, she told him that they could never be an item. In her culture, unless she dates someone of the same nationality, it would be a very big problem for her family.

He was stunned obviously and didn't really know what to do. I told him that what she said was really truthful and that I respect her for being straight up instead of leading him on.

Anyway, the reason this is noteworthy to me is that I was really surprised by how this guy didn't see it coming at all. When a relationship begins with the physical aspect, the foundation is built on something incredibly uncertain. Now, I don't want to pretend like I'm some relational mastermind (I couldn't attract a fly right now), but I have had enough that I can form some conclusions.

1) The best relationships really are ones that are based on solid friendship. These are the least awkward because there's a natural building of trust that only compounds.

2) The relationships that last are the ones where each person truly looks out for the other. This is way easier said than done. After all, everyone always thinks they're right and it's so difficult to intentionally be humble yourself for the other person--especially when they're clearly the one at fault.

3) All relationships are best evaluated based on the direction that they're headed; not where they're currently at.


For whatever it's worth, I truly hope that this relationship ends up with some resolution. Either they'll have to stop having sex or they'll end up hating each other. Unless of course they learn to love one another such that their devotion to one another is unquestionably strong. It is only then that the girl's family will no longer view him as an American; but rather as a son.

Love wins every single time.