That weird sunday morning feeling

I'm not really sure where I find myself right now.

I woke up and didn't really feel like going to church. Is that bad?
I love Northpoint. Andy and everyone else have so deeply shaped my spirituality. Good things are happening in Alpharetta. But why was this morning different?
I wasn't hung over.
I didn't have a one night stand.
I didn't even sleep that late. 2:30 is early for a saturday isn't it?
But there I was. Awake and borderline lamenting going through with what felt like a process.

Where did this come from? Where is my joy?
I thought I was supposed to wake up and be excited to commune with Jesus? I was far from thrilled.

My faith must be getting dim.

I ended up going to church anyway.
Everyone sang loudly to God.
I watched camera work.
We learned from the story of Hosea (and Gomer).
I ended up missing Glorie a little bit more.
The main message that was broadcast to me was how God loves me.

I know He does. But why still so empty?
Are these valleys natural? Are they normal for a "mature" believer?
What if they aren't? Why would I be feeling this way?

Sometimes I just want Jesus to talk back to me.
What good is a one way conversation?
I'm aware that God does speak. But what if I can't understand?
Is it bad to desire something so simple?

Blah.

I'm alive.
I'm purchased.
I have a purpose.
A great one in fact.
Maybe the whole reason for this is because
I've lost something.





focus.