Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Still Fighting...
I miss you so much. How is it that this miniscule debate of ours has grown into a monster of a war?
Monday, September 11, 2006
feelin' great
Highlights from the weekend...
Friday - Class was boring as usual. Plane was delayed. It didn't matter. Going to orlando was great. Glorie had PF changs ready for the both of us and we saw david crowder band. It was great. Much saliva was exchanged at different times during the night. Friday was merely a warmup.
Saturday - Had quality time to myself. Glorie had to work in the morning so what do I do? Go on the internet. hehe. Afterwards, we ate some more and saw "The Illusionist". It's a fantastic movie. More making out. Glorie tastes great.
Sunday - Church then more time to just be with Glorie. Sometimes just holding each other is the best use of time ever.
Friday - Class was boring as usual. Plane was delayed. It didn't matter. Going to orlando was great. Glorie had PF changs ready for the both of us and we saw david crowder band. It was great. Much saliva was exchanged at different times during the night. Friday was merely a warmup.
Saturday - Had quality time to myself. Glorie had to work in the morning so what do I do? Go on the internet. hehe. Afterwards, we ate some more and saw "The Illusionist". It's a fantastic movie. More making out. Glorie tastes great.
Sunday - Church then more time to just be with Glorie. Sometimes just holding each other is the best use of time ever.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Confusion
I saw Rosanna today. It was the first time in several months (possibly more than a year) since I've seen her. She looks the same. Possibly somewhat prettier. I really don't know how to describe our "friendship." For example, today she said hi to my cousin Feebster and their mutual friend Chris. I, on the other hand, received no such greeting. Smalltalk ensued among the three and thus concluded with her saying by specifically to Chris and Feebster (and omitting me).
How do you describe that? I wanted to talk with her...see how she was doing. I sincerely wanted to connect with her. Yet I chose to refrain. She seemed so uninterested.
It hurt.
Nevertheless, I'll assume otherwise. I'll naively believe that perhaps she failed to see that I was a mere 1.5 feet away from her. Either this is the case or she truly doesn't want to be friends with me. If the latter proves true, then I guess that "it is what it is."
How ugly.
Even though she'll probably never read this, I'm going to write as if she were listening. Rosanna...I want you to know a few things.
I still care about you. I want to kinow what's going on in your life. I want to know how you and Seth are doing. I'm sorry if it still hurts. I'll still pick up if you call. I'm willing to just listen to you if that's what you need from me. Just because we're separated doesn't mean we can't be great friends.
Can it?
How do you describe that? I wanted to talk with her...see how she was doing. I sincerely wanted to connect with her. Yet I chose to refrain. She seemed so uninterested.
It hurt.
Nevertheless, I'll assume otherwise. I'll naively believe that perhaps she failed to see that I was a mere 1.5 feet away from her. Either this is the case or she truly doesn't want to be friends with me. If the latter proves true, then I guess that "it is what it is."
How ugly.
Even though she'll probably never read this, I'm going to write as if she were listening. Rosanna...I want you to know a few things.
I still care about you. I want to kinow what's going on in your life. I want to know how you and Seth are doing. I'm sorry if it still hurts. I'll still pick up if you call. I'm willing to just listen to you if that's what you need from me. Just because we're separated doesn't mean we can't be great friends.
Can it?
Friday, September 01, 2006
Tired
My day started off great. Got up. Thanked the Lord for another day. Took the train to school and stuff. Then I saw the hot girl from my class walking and started stalking her d(^_^)b.
Just kidding obviously. Although she is very pretty, I just walked my normal pace and it just happened that we were both on our way to ALC. I wonder if i'll ever get to meet her. I'd love to make another pretty friend.
Enter Finance 4000. I'm not the most studious in the class...but I'm definitely not the worst. However here, I honestly feel like the dumbest person in class. Everyone around me is asking pertinent questions and everything and is able to perform calculations and stuff. Whereas I simply sit there--dumbfounded. This activity persisted for the next hour and 40 minutes. No kidding. Non stop dumbification.
The day got a little better around lunch time. I ate blimpie. Funny how eating somewhere makes me happy. I felt so good though. The people there were totally helpful and very friendly. Plus the little guy needs help more than the big guy. Ever since Jared changed the way that everyone looks at subway, Blimpie just got left in the dust. I had a coupon. The sandwich was good. Things were looking up.
The twist to this story started when I walked through the office door. I just can't stand being there sometimes. I feel like I'm the only one that does my work completely sometimes. I am probably wrong...but it has gotten to the point where I can't stand this job anymore. I wonder if that's a sign that I should start looking elsewhere.
Good thing there was bible study tonight. One of my good friends attended for the first time. That made me happy. Typical of the Lord to pick me back up when my day is determined to do otherwise.
Now these tired hands write this post as I await Glorie's call. I wonder if we'll fight. . .
Just kidding obviously. Although she is very pretty, I just walked my normal pace and it just happened that we were both on our way to ALC. I wonder if i'll ever get to meet her. I'd love to make another pretty friend.
Enter Finance 4000. I'm not the most studious in the class...but I'm definitely not the worst. However here, I honestly feel like the dumbest person in class. Everyone around me is asking pertinent questions and everything and is able to perform calculations and stuff. Whereas I simply sit there--dumbfounded. This activity persisted for the next hour and 40 minutes. No kidding. Non stop dumbification.
The day got a little better around lunch time. I ate blimpie. Funny how eating somewhere makes me happy. I felt so good though. The people there were totally helpful and very friendly. Plus the little guy needs help more than the big guy. Ever since Jared changed the way that everyone looks at subway, Blimpie just got left in the dust. I had a coupon. The sandwich was good. Things were looking up.
The twist to this story started when I walked through the office door. I just can't stand being there sometimes. I feel like I'm the only one that does my work completely sometimes. I am probably wrong...but it has gotten to the point where I can't stand this job anymore. I wonder if that's a sign that I should start looking elsewhere.
Good thing there was bible study tonight. One of my good friends attended for the first time. That made me happy. Typical of the Lord to pick me back up when my day is determined to do otherwise.
Now these tired hands write this post as I await Glorie's call. I wonder if we'll fight. . .
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Absolutely Horrible
In case you didn't know...
The #3 way to get me extremely angry is to work with me and not do what you have to do. By accomplishing this, you will successfuly make it so that I have to work harder to compensate for your shortcomings.
Oh and also never take responsibility for your fault. Persistently deflect the fact that your mess is the result of someone else's actions. That is the cherry on top.
The #3 way to get me extremely angry is to work with me and not do what you have to do. By accomplishing this, you will successfuly make it so that I have to work harder to compensate for your shortcomings.
Oh and also never take responsibility for your fault. Persistently deflect the fact that your mess is the result of someone else's actions. That is the cherry on top.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
And so I prayed.
Dear Lord,
It's been awhile. Recently I've been buying into the lie that my voice is much too small for your sensitive ears to hear. Please forgive me. Often times I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm talking about.
A lot of times I try to carry my problems all by myself. What a heavy burden they've grown to be. I'm so weird. Why would the ant even try to lift the rock by himself? Surely huge tasks are best left to huge people. And so Lord...I finally choose to give you what's yours.
I always feel like I'm letting You down. Why am I feeling these things?
I'm confused with the way people keep giving me mixed signals. Why doesn't it make sense?
Why is it that the people who are supposed to be Christians in my life often fail to be...well...Christians?
Then there's the others..
What can I do to help other people? Why aren't I doing it?
What can I do to be a better leader? Why am I no acting on it?
Why is it that I always have to look at other girls? Why does my mind always wander?
Why can't I keep any close friends? Am I that bizarre?
Lord, You know all things. Certainly these small issues of mine have not escaped Your attention. Sometimes I just get frustrated when You don't respond. I need to know You're working. Perhaps I'm not focusing on Your voice enough.
Help me to pursue You the same way You pursue me.
Amen.
It's been awhile. Recently I've been buying into the lie that my voice is much too small for your sensitive ears to hear. Please forgive me. Often times I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm talking about.
A lot of times I try to carry my problems all by myself. What a heavy burden they've grown to be. I'm so weird. Why would the ant even try to lift the rock by himself? Surely huge tasks are best left to huge people. And so Lord...I finally choose to give you what's yours.
I always feel like I'm letting You down. Why am I feeling these things?
I'm confused with the way people keep giving me mixed signals. Why doesn't it make sense?
Why is it that the people who are supposed to be Christians in my life often fail to be...well...Christians?
Then there's the others..
What can I do to help other people? Why aren't I doing it?
What can I do to be a better leader? Why am I no acting on it?
Why is it that I always have to look at other girls? Why does my mind always wander?
Why can't I keep any close friends? Am I that bizarre?
Lord, You know all things. Certainly these small issues of mine have not escaped Your attention. Sometimes I just get frustrated when You don't respond. I need to know You're working. Perhaps I'm not focusing on Your voice enough.
Help me to pursue You the same way You pursue me.
Amen.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Ever feel like you're just running away?
At times, I find my self running. I find myself especially running away from the Lord. No, not a physical kind of running. Rather, a mental kind of running.
I only find myself in this precarious position when I have done something bad. It's become somewhat of a repeatable process.
Do the bad thing.
Feel really guilty about it.
Discontinue anything "good" that I used to do before.
Continue sulking.
Sink even deeper into a pool of melancholy.
The situation progressively worsens until I finally get the wisdom to simply reconcile my relationship with Jesus.
Looking at it now, I believe that this running comes from a distoreted view of God. Instead of the loving God, I view the judging God. The one who sits atop His celestial throne and waits till I do something wrong so that He can point the finger of accusation at me. Who the balls would want to face a God like that?
It's a good thing that the bible doesn't confirm any of this misconception. The bible actually goes into a paradoxical kind of explanation at the true nature of God. I've been able to most identify with the way it's presented in Hosea. In the story, Hosea gets cheated on by his wife multiple times. Despite this, his love never wavers for her. Despite the fact that it hurts every single time, he continues to love.
The analogy is perfectly obvious. We are the bride of Christ. Everytime we sin, we hurt Him. It's as if it's the equivalent of cheating in a marriage. How absolutely devastated would the victim be? How absolutely profound would it be if the victim chose to forgive and continue the relationship? Notice how I didn't say forgive and forget, though. No...rather the past does not get brought up again. Forgiveness settles in and the Love conquers and embodied bitterness that may have been harbored by the victim.
That's really interesting. The question now is how then shall I respond.
I only find myself in this precarious position when I have done something bad. It's become somewhat of a repeatable process.
Do the bad thing.
Feel really guilty about it.
Discontinue anything "good" that I used to do before.
Continue sulking.
Sink even deeper into a pool of melancholy.
The situation progressively worsens until I finally get the wisdom to simply reconcile my relationship with Jesus.
Looking at it now, I believe that this running comes from a distoreted view of God. Instead of the loving God, I view the judging God. The one who sits atop His celestial throne and waits till I do something wrong so that He can point the finger of accusation at me. Who the balls would want to face a God like that?
It's a good thing that the bible doesn't confirm any of this misconception. The bible actually goes into a paradoxical kind of explanation at the true nature of God. I've been able to most identify with the way it's presented in Hosea. In the story, Hosea gets cheated on by his wife multiple times. Despite this, his love never wavers for her. Despite the fact that it hurts every single time, he continues to love.
The analogy is perfectly obvious. We are the bride of Christ. Everytime we sin, we hurt Him. It's as if it's the equivalent of cheating in a marriage. How absolutely devastated would the victim be? How absolutely profound would it be if the victim chose to forgive and continue the relationship? Notice how I didn't say forgive and forget, though. No...rather the past does not get brought up again. Forgiveness settles in and the Love conquers and embodied bitterness that may have been harbored by the victim.
That's really interesting. The question now is how then shall I respond.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
So..
It's been a while. I believe I'll just blurb just one observation for now.
Last week my radio got stolen from my car. It was weird. While I was obviously angry that my precious radio had been wrongfully taken from me (it cost me 250 USD), one of the things that I did was thank the Lord that I still had my car. This action was praised by Glorie. I truly didn't do/say anything for her approval, but my actions "shows much about my character" according to her. What a compliment.
The aftermath of such a theft is the unexpected time to myself that I know have. Driving alone without a radio has given me a lot of time to just think. I suggest everyone do it once a week. You'll be surprised at how much patience you gain (or for some lose). It really just shows how much people can't stand silence. Maybe it's something about the stillness that proves that the Lord is watching. I dunno. Whatever it is, I think it can only be healthy.
Last week my radio got stolen from my car. It was weird. While I was obviously angry that my precious radio had been wrongfully taken from me (it cost me 250 USD), one of the things that I did was thank the Lord that I still had my car. This action was praised by Glorie. I truly didn't do/say anything for her approval, but my actions "shows much about my character" according to her. What a compliment.
The aftermath of such a theft is the unexpected time to myself that I know have. Driving alone without a radio has given me a lot of time to just think. I suggest everyone do it once a week. You'll be surprised at how much patience you gain (or for some lose). It really just shows how much people can't stand silence. Maybe it's something about the stillness that proves that the Lord is watching. I dunno. Whatever it is, I think it can only be healthy.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Dear Glorie,
I wish I could talk to you. I wish you there was someway you could experience how heavy my heart sinks everytime we talk. I desire to connect with you. I so badly want to act like we're "just friends" but I think it's so impossible. I wish I could do it--pretend like I feel nothing for you. I can't.
You are so amazing. I think the world of you. I am absolutely disarmed by you. I love you.
Apparently those bonds were not strong enough to bind us together. I wasn't strong enough to lead us to a place where we would be spiritually fortified. As a result I get these feelings.
The feeling of my heart fluttering everytime I hear your custom ringtone. The feeling of my heart violently falling everytime my phone says "call ended." The desolate emptiness that billow in the moments there after. The same feelings that gave elicited tears from these hardened eye sockets for the past week and a half.
It's too bad you have no idea.
You are so amazing. I think the world of you. I am absolutely disarmed by you. I love you.
Apparently those bonds were not strong enough to bind us together. I wasn't strong enough to lead us to a place where we would be spiritually fortified. As a result I get these feelings.
The feeling of my heart fluttering everytime I hear your custom ringtone. The feeling of my heart violently falling everytime my phone says "call ended." The desolate emptiness that billow in the moments there after. The same feelings that gave elicited tears from these hardened eye sockets for the past week and a half.
It's too bad you have no idea.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
Dilemma
What to do when you know what to do yet choose not to do it? Furthermore you know that what you do is not to be done, yet you ignore all warning against doing it.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
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