The Desire

What frustrates me most is that I'm misunderstood.

What have I done to warrant such distrust? Where have I been so inconsistent that I must be distanced? Why is it that every single move that I make must be second guessed and meticulously examined? All of these questions linger because they have never been addressed.

Last year, all I did was propose that Ryan may or may not be doing his great acts of service out of his love for Glorie. Prior to this accident, they would have known each other for 2, maybe, 3 months tops. My contention was that it was highly improbable for him to "love" Glorie the way that he was being championed for doing. How could he? They barely knew each other.

I would agree heavily that much of his actions were certainly because he cared for Glorie. However, at what cost was this service? Is it possible that Ryan was doing everything he could, not only because he cared much for Glorie, but also because he wanted to gain esteem as well? That is, was it plausible that Ryan wanted to be "the one" not only because of his concern for Glorie's well being, but also because his service would cement his status as Glorie's boyfriend? The possibility seemed completely legitimate and all I tried to do was caution the family of the danger therein.

Fast forward to now, and apparently Ryan is "completely out of the picture." I treaded lightly while trying to investigate the matter, but discovered quickly that the fallout that must have happened is still quite painful for all parties involved. Therefore, my question remains "what cost is this relationship expensing?"

In fairness, much praise given to Ryan is warranted. Because of his unique occupation, his unrivaled flexibility allowed accessibility to their family. The fruit of that was a very critical role in Glorie's recovery process that perhaps only He could play. In essence, it is reasonable to believe that Glorie's family may not have been able to support Glorie as completely as they did were it not for the way Ryan allowed them to. I see the importance in this.

However, where I contrast greatly with many minds involved in this matter, is the definition of the term "importance." I am not quick to attribute success in Glorie's recovery mostly to anyone. It is my judgment that Glorie is the woman that she is today due to the combined support of countless individuals. If anyone is to be praised more than another, it is simply the Healer who has singlehandedly saved Glorie in the first place.

There are people in Glorie's church who prayed night and day for her. There are little ones whose simple little visited provided enough inspiration to push through the next day. There are unheard stories of how simple news of Glorie's wellness would encourage and build faith in another (to glorify God). All of these, as well as many whom I am certainly omitting, were equally as important in Glorie's recovery as Ryan's service to her. In this story, there is no room for exaltation and rejection. The only thing that matters is faith expressing itself through love and prayer. Yet, as it turned out, one person was filtered away; commanded to yield simply because they had to respect that it was "their time."

If there's anything Matthew 7 teaches us, it's that anytime someone starts pointing the finger at someone else (and how wrong they are/were), they better realize that there are many more fingers pointing back at the flaws of the said finger pointer. As passionate as I was about the unfairness in the situation, I had to ask myself where my compassion was. In other words, was I acting like a religious hypocrite or was I reflecting the Jesus who loved me even when I erred?

So, I took the initiative of writing to the man. I discussed how there had been great misunderstanding between us and basically reached out in an effort to quell any tension that had arisen beforehand. This letter of mine was met with none other than an even greater threat against me. Not to be dissuaded easily, I wrote back again. Before sending I meticulously examined my letter for any poorly worded phrase always conscious of how my tone was perhaps coming across. Content with the extremely approachable wording in the revised letter, I made a 2nd attempt to reach out to Ryan. This was in February. I have yet to hear anything back from him. But who knows. Perhaps he's making sure he's careful with his words in much the same way I was with mine. True love always gives the benefit of the doubt...and I'm willing to do so with him.

Everything I've said merely draws a point. In much the same way I'll never be able to completely identify just what it was like for their family to experience all that they've had to endure the past year, they will never be able to completely identify with what I've had to endure as well. My proposition is for them simply to consider whether or not it's possible for Glorie to be every bit the woman she is now without Ryan playing a lesser role than the one he played last year. If it were, and it could spare all the hurt I've endured and, to a much more important degree, salvage the relationship between our families, would they pursue it? In essence, if there were any other way, would they take it?

But the answer is no. They would choose to do everything the exact same way.

What does one do with that?