Unresolved

It was around this time of the year last year.

Looking back, 365 days seem so recent. I don't really know what to make of everything. I've put off writing about it just because of the delicacy of the situation. But everything still swims around and it drives me crazy. The fact that none of the pieces fit together. Much of the situation still doesn't make any sense. Regardless of how hard I try, my attempts to repair usually end up in vain. I don't know what to say.

As it stands, the relationship between me and her family is completely destroyed. There hasn't been much progress at all for the past several months in terms of repairing the broken relationship. At the beginning of the year, there was some initiative made by the mother to reconcile. But that leads to another issue...

Early in the year there was such potential for breakthrough when the mother showed many signs of remorse. E-mails were sent and phone calls were made. What stands out to me were the words "I am so sorry" and "if I could turn back time I would change so many things." She then ended up asking for forgiveness.

On my end, forgiveness had already been given. I realized, a long time ago, that harnessing bitterness would serve no purpose. If anything, it would only taint my heart and make me cold. So, regardless of whether or not she specifically asked me to forgive her would be moot. It had already been done. The conundrum here is that all of these things should logically point toward restoration--but it hasn't.

You see, my focus has always been to restore and repair the relationship that had been destroyed last year. But there seems to be disagreement on how to address this critical issue.

I desire for there to be mutual understanding between our families. For both parties to see with scintillating clarity how we have arrived at our current brokenness, and then to build foundation afterwards. It's much akin to the relationship that God wants to build with those who have yet to place their faith in Him. The relationship was at a great place initially with much mutual satisfaction (Eden), and then decisions were made to sever the relationship (sin). In order to truly start on the path to relation, there must be understanding as to what made the relationship broken in the first place so that the relationship may develop again more completely. This is why one of the things God desires is a broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51).

I want to follow the same approach. The relationship was beautiful between our families before. Then decisions were made to destroy it. There is potential and hope for the relationship to build again. But it cannot happen without realization of the fall in the first place.

From what I've gathered, the approach couldn't be any more different on their end. Apparently, the course of action to be taken to them would be to have a surface understanding of what has happened in the past. However, we should just let the past be the past and focus on the present because that's what affects the future.

The flaw with this train of thought is that it almost disregards the truth that it's trying to stress. Our present does affect the future. However our past is what used to be our present. And that past is what became the future (which is now present). In other words, past decisions are what has made the present (just as present decisions are what will make the future). It is my strong belief that it would be wise to learn from the past to make wiser decisions for the future. That's why I'm so adamant about addressing how we got to this situation in the first place. Not because I enjoy dwelling on past heartache; rather, it's to survey the implications of past decisions so that we can make the most wise decision possible for the present (in an attempt to ensure the BEST future possible).

"G" wanted to know what I wanted most from her parents. My response was simply to ask them a question.

"If we could go back in time and the only way Ryan would do all the "wonderful" things that he did was if it came at the expense of our families, would you do it all again? If so, would you still do it if there was another way that Glorie could be every bit the woman that she is now without having to expense our friendships?"

The response was that they did the best decision. They're sorry for the pain that it caused, but they would do everything exactly the same way they did before.

Which, in my opinion, is where this story is the most tragic.