Monday, April 28, 2008

Near the finish line

It will be here soon enough.

The cap will be on. The gown will unite the many who have endured for the past half-decade. The music will play and the family/friends will cheer in celebration. It's taken such a long time but it's almost here.

As I sit here in between paths in life I think back at this journey. How completely different I am right now compared to when I first started. How much I've learned throughout this time (and laughably how much I realize I don't know). It's kind of weird.

Everyone always told me that college would be among the best years in my life. Many mentioned that the friendships I form on the campus would be some of the most precious in my entire life. I don't know if I agree with any of that. Of course it would have helped if I made more friends but that's a different story.

It has been quite the ride though. College is so fresh. There's no other place where one can interact with such a diverse sea of individuals. It's one place that simply contains a bunch of people who have yet to be conformed by culture. Fresh faces who have yet to meet the grind of work.

So, as I sit down writing this, I smile at the wonder of it all. I didn't go to the biggest or the best college in the whole wide world. I didn't even go to a college with "college life." But I have been impacted; and it makes me smile.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Friday Night Thoughts

Yesterday I heard the most interesting thing.

Thursdays of course is small group night. All the guys were over and we were talking about (who else) Jesus. One of the questions in our guide delved into the thought of how Jesus would go about with some of the more menial tasks of life. That is, what would Jesus do when He woke up in the morning? How/what would Jesus eat? How/what would Jesus watch on TV? How/what would Jesus do when He was driving?

Justin talked about driving. He shared that Jesus would probably be so chill while He was driving to work. Justin often spends his time thinking about the most efficient way to identify which cars would be traveling the slowest so that he can properly avoid driving behind them at all costs. Justin then contrasted that Jesus wouldn't think anything like that. Instead, Jesus would probably keep appropriate perspective and simply not let small things like traffic bother Him.

This is what I found so thought provoking. I've dwelled upon the thought of proper perspective before, but what happened? For one reason or another, it's easy to simply agree with how we should view life. Everyone knows that we all should be thankful for legs to be able to walk (when some people don't even get that). Everyone wants to be happy that they have a car when so many people simply cannot afford such a luxury. But why is there disconnect in this ideal and the execution?

Why is it that in the middle of rush hour, when we're already 10 minutes late, remembering the fact that we are blessed with a car is the last thing on our mind? Why is that it's so hard to remember how abundant life when you are freshly terminated from your job? Essentially, the question boils down to this: if we know that it's always best to keep in mind the big picture of life, why is it that we seemingly always focus on the small things?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Last Thursday of the Month

Seeing how the 1st Quarter of 2008 is about to end, I thought it would be wise to check in on my commitments on the new year. This is what I aspired for:

By the grace of God, I hope to accomplish the following this year:

- Pray more. Specifically, I want to be more focused in praying for other people.


I actually was a hardcore prayer warrior for January and most of February. I just dwindled down to slacker the past two months.

- Love more. That is, my desire is to view people as they truly are (and not how they appear to be).

I'm not sure with this one either. My compassion has definitely grown much, but the main person that this applied to was Ryan. I've tried time and again to establish dialogue with the man but no response. Oh well.

- Give more. Money, time, ears, hugs, counsel, whatever.

Yes.

- Be a remedy. I am determined to get to know one of the homeless people this semester at State.

No. :(

- Cast vision. Hopefully this year I will be able to live up to the leadership roles that God has placed me in.

Yes and No. I have really grown into some of my leadership roles but still have so much potential to shine even brighter.

- Be grateful. This year I am planning on dedicating the last thursday of EVERY month focusing on what I should be grateful for. Whose idea was it to wait until November anyway?

This one I'm most embarrassed about. I lost focus of the life-changing, liberating love of Christ.

- Read my bible more. The fact that this one is listed seventh shows why I need to work hard on this one.

See #1.

- Be a better guitar player. Sasha and Peter have such untapped potential. Music is so hard.

Hahahahaha.

- Start my dream of being an amateur film maker. Video has such raw power for conveying messages. I hope to use it for His glory.

Well I bought the video camera, but Final Cut doesn't play nice with the Panasonic HDC-SD9. I haven't even named the camcorder yet because it's been such a pain to edit video. I really think I will sell it soon. So, to answer the question, I suppose it's to be continued.

- Develop rich friendships. That is, I hope to go deeper with all my current ones, take pleasure in all my new ones, and reconcile all the broken ones (ESPECIALLY them).

Yes! Thank God. Except them of course. Which is what bugs me so much (still). *sigh*



Oh and I wrote something on here on tuesday but apparently it didn't make it on here? Oh well.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Just your Ordinary Monday

It started with my inability to sleep.

Our team had been working for the past 7 hours on our paper/presentation. Naturally, I found myself exhausted yet sleepless. It was approaching 2 A.M. which meant that I had to get up in approximately 3 hours. When the alarm clock rang my eyes decided to go on strike. I prayed and fell asleep while praying. Thankfully I actually had the composure to stand and get the day started.

The presentation went well. I'm not sure why but I have this innate gifting of speech. I didn't even practice and had the entire classroom completely captured on my every word within 30 seconds. I hope I don't pervert this ability if it really is a gift that I have. Everyone else presented after me and did a good job. The best part is that everything is over. All the hard work finally paid off.

Oh and I tried arguing with the teacher after class to raise our group grade. We had a 90 and I was pushing for a 92. She gave some lame excuse about how she weighted our performance on the last year of our simulation. I argued that since that was a subjective call, perhaps she should consider the performance of our company relative to the entire simulation. I was winning the debate when she got so frustrated that she explicitly said, "do not argue with me anymore." Why did she have to play that card?

I had lunch with my friend Jo today. I like lunches with Jo. Our conversations often include many awkward moments that we both find hilarious. What more, we actually talk about things like Jesus and life...two of my favorite topics to talk about! It's a shame I don't lunch with Jo more often. Oh well.

Other parts during the day included my bathroom discovery. You see, unlike many others, I actually love looking at all the different things people write on the walls of bathrooms. It's often a little dialogue between many different people who were using the very same toilet just at different times in life. While some would consider these senseless writings nothing more than utter graffiti (i.e. School sux!!, 'I did Sally right in the ***'), I consider them eccentric artforms.
One in particular caught my attention today. It had GSU written across. Initially I was like, "oh wow...people actually have school spirit here?" But as I continued to read, I found that under GSU someone put "God Saves Us". What a masterpiece. It's tragic that I didn't take a picture of it.

Later on in the night I got to practice being a serving nobody. I love volunteering and one of the places I volunteer is the living room. Tonight I helped set up the lights like I normally do. Yet everything just got done. No special compliments today. Not even any acknowledgment. Just simple working (read: serving) and getting no credit for it. Sounds just about perfect to me.

I did get called on specifically though. Not because of my elite cord wrapping ability, but due to my graduation eligibility. I stood with all the other prospective graduates and we were prayed over. I usually stand at the very back of the room in order to slowly blend in with the curtain. But as we started to pray I felt hands touching me. Then more hands. People were actually traveling across the room to pray for me. I was touched. It's like they cared or something. I felt really loved. It was weird and I really liked it.

Then, to end the day on a high note, I found a letter from the IRS waiting for me when I got home. Apparently I owe them $150 more on top of the $50 that they already obligated me to pay prior to April 15. Oh joy.

Now, more than 15 minutes into the 'new' day, I find myself thinking about Glorie. Not really bothered about our lack of a romance anymore. Just kind of want to know how my friend is doing. How much she's learning. Just laugh with her again would be ideal. Then just let her know that I still pray faithfully for her and for her to be always confident in the support that she receives.

But she's probably sleeping now. And I'm probably not going to talk with her so long as I have the equivalent image rating to that of a ravenous wolf. But, to be honest, I receive that. And I find myself still believing that one day, when the timing is most precise, our paths will cross again.

Perhaps that day will be more eventful than this one.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Friday Night Thoughts

It was while I was reading this morning that I realized that I have grown into quite the reader over the past year.

In the past I usually relegated reading into a very mundane task. It was not an enjoyable process. Rather, it was something that only boring people did. Besides, even if I did want to read, I always assumed that I would just plunge into the bible...a book I've heard wild things about.

Then I read Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. It isn't really the greatest of books. Nor is it the most thought provoking. By for some reason that book kind of rekindled the reading spirit within me. Now I enjoy reading simply because I still love learning.

So, with all of that said, there was something wildly hilarious that I read this morning. Someone once asked G.K. Chesterton what book he would take if he had to only choose one (were he to be stranded on an island). In case you are unaware, G.K. Chesterton is one of the eccentric Christian writers during his time. His trademark was to combine wit and humor to draw a very serious point. Naturally, I fully anticipated G.K. to give the [obligatory] response of the bible. He instead responded by saying he'd bring a book about how to build boats.

I lol-ed. That was a brilliant answer. Why is it that sometimes I try to be super holy when instead I could just be real?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Finally better :)

I know. It's been a while since I've really written in this thing. I could only play the pollen card for so long. I really have been sick and have had throbbing headaches for the entirety of the past week but here I am finally.

Yesterday was rather interesting. I had been in a sort of spiritual high and had a tremendous amount of momentum leaving Passion. But the intensity seemed to wane throughout the week. Sure enough I made some pretty dumb mistakes by the middle of the week. Typical me.

Needless to say, I felt pretty crappy on wednesday. I really disappoint myself. What more, I felt like I was THE biggest disappointment to God. It was miserable. Awful.

Suddenly my phone notified me that I had received a text message. It was Sam thanking me for David Crowder Band and how awesome his band was. I replied that I was having a bad day. Then, out of nowhere, Holy Spirit just flowed through Sam's words...
"Well ask God to help you change your ways. Guilt does NOT come from God. You are a lover of God...show others how great God's love is; not how guilty Satan can make you feel."

What a surge of encouragement. What a true statement.

Monday, April 14, 2008

stupid pollen!

There is an incredible amount to write in here but an equally incredible amount of pollen inside of my body.

As I sit here writing this, my nose is literally dripping. I have the one nostril open and one nostril closed action going on. I also feel like my head will explode momentarily. I am beginning to develop a headache. -_-

Even with this said, I will go to sleep wildly content tonight. Hurray!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Friday Night Thoughts

Wow what a day.

I was efficient and productive at work so that is always a plus. Good thing that only lasted half the day though.

I then proceeded to share lunch with kat kat. We caught up with much in life and enjoyed Olive Garden as we always do. We then proceeded to the Gwinnett Arena to register for Passion.

This was the first step on our night of wonder. However, when greeted by the cool volunteer (who looked eager to collect our socks and towels), she disenchanted us with the news that we were prohibited from bringing cameras inside.

Bummer.

Overall it was a really great night. Chris Tomlin started out in his usual bright manner. Kat Kat says he looks a lot older but I think he looks smashing as always. Then Louie spoke.

The overall sentiment of the night was what Passion was really all about. I don't really care to go into any of it here (that's what the 268 website is for), but something he said really resonated with me. He spent several minutes simply talking about what we are living for. This of course begged me to ask myself the question, "What am I living for?"

As I sat, I smiled widely. I couldn't be any more confident that my life counts more for Jesus now than at any other time in my life. That despite how close I've come to suffocating beneath the complex layers of junk that I've traversed through much of this short life of mine, I can now say, with confidence, that I am truly His.

It's kind of weird when you think about it. After all...who lives for God? Only crazy "Jesus freaks" do that. I want to be cool just like any other person, but I think I've finally settled on the fact that loving God is, well, cool. It doesn't seem that way at first and it still seems crazy even for people who have actually experienced, but there's something that's indescribably satisfying about loving Jesus that emanates pure joy.

Most profound, perhaps, is the fact that Christianity is the only faith that allows for such an intimate relationship. Much of the popular current religions have varying degrees of self. Christianity, on the other hand, places tremendous emphasis on losing one's self. It's like Christianity is the ultimate anti-religion.

Anyway, I'm pretty tired. I suppose I'll write more some other time. I just can't believe I get to experience this three more times tomorrow. HUZZAH!!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Blarp

All I keep thinking about this weekend. I wonder what it will be like?

I will meet up with Kat Kat tomorrow sometime during the afternoon. Perhaps we will catch up with much in life over a bed of pasta mixed with deliciousness. Afterwards, I imagine we will journey to the Arena where we will register and wait.

Then, we, along with 9,558 others, will be immersed for 48 hours in wondrous, intense, corporate worship. I wonder what kind of memories will be created during that time? If it was anything like '07, it will be the type that will last forever.

Get excited.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

blirp

Pollen still sucks.

Monday, April 07, 2008

blurp

Crazy things are happening. Curiously, I don't quite feel like sharing anything. However...

- Words have incredible potential. It is ultimately up to us whether our words destroy or uplift.

- If we love Jesus, we will naturally love others. This is truth.

- You can determine the type of tree by the fruit that it bears. Apple trees don't drop oranges on the ground. That would be silly.

- I hate pollen.


The end.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Friday Night Thoughts

Nothing really profound to say tonight.

The test on monday was pretty interesting. It really affected me. I thought wildly for the next 72 hours how miserable my life would be if I didn't pass (or at the very least get something in the 60s) the test. Wednesday was absolutely nerve-racking. I lamented having to go to class, but 1:30 finally came. She started passing out tests. I glanced at others in the class who already received their tests back. One guy got a 55. The other a 61. The silence in the room was surreal. Then she laid the test face-down in front of me. This was the moment. This was my pending graduation. I peeked at the top right corner where my grade should be.

70

I fainted for about 3 minutes. Still in disbelief, I looked again. Yup, that 70 was still there. I have never been so thankful in my life. This test is the singular example of mercy from God. I have absolutely no idea how I got it, but I got the 70. Praise Him.

Anyway, this lead me to think about something that's worth sharing. I learned it a while ago but figure I'd put it here in case anyone ever feels like learning something.

Grace = when you get what you don't deserve.
Mercy = when you don't get what you do deserve.

Note the distinction. Note how our lives are filled with both.


Also note how we are to demonstrate both to others.