2:00 in the morning and...

what do I find myself thinking about?

Alicia Jensen.

I miss you so much. I miss being able to talk to you just about life. You'll never know it but you're one of the few people in my life that I've found it very easy to talk to. I miss being able to learn from you simply by you sharing with me what you've gone through in life. I miss you doing the same.

Now when I talk to you it's mere shallow smalltalk. "Oh work was...." you'll say. "Really? That's wonderful" I'll reply. Empty words that merely fill in the space in order to make things feel less awkward for the both of us. Such a travesty that I've turned our friendship into such disarray.

I saw you twice today. I wanted to say bye to you before I left the park. You were walking both times...hurriedly pacing yourself toward your destination. I don't think you saw me. I wanted to call out your name but I didn't. I didn't feel like it would be appropriate of me. I don't have access to you like that anymore. Although you were only a few feet away you felt further than the moon.

I wish I could hug you. I wish you could see that all I want is your friendship and nothing romantic. I think the world of you Alicia. And to think that after 50 more days I'll lose you forever. I'm so sorry.