Finally some time

It hasn't been intentional.

Well, some of it has. But largely unintentional this absence of mine. It's intriguing really. When I go several days without journaling, it feels as if there's this build-up of stuff in my head. Not necessarily a traffic jam; more like a clogged up drain (liquid and still go through...you just want it cleaned up ASAP).

Part of my reservation for getting all this stuff off of my mind is due to the fact that I'm coming to some scary realizations with Glorie and stuff. Maybe it's just this dense head of mine allowing all of this to just now seep in, but I think I understand now that it may not be entirely probable to fulfill this "vision" of mine to reunite our families. As it stands now, our hearts are just in completely different places. We have truly reached an impasse (not a disagreement) and it seems that both sides are firmly set in their ways. Perhaps in the future restoration is a possibility but right now it's terribly unlikely.

Which is still what bothers me a lot. I don't know how all of this can be worth it to them. I understand the whole logic of they were doing what was best for Glow. I don't contest that at all in fact. Rather, the question that keeps being avoided is what if they could still act in Glorie's best interest without sacrificing our families' relationship? If that was a genuine possibility (which it was) why was it not pursued? But oh well. "Let's let the past be the past" seems to be the flavor of the month.

Looking forward, I've been really convicted of late. How much do I really love Jesus anyway? There's a passage we went over in detail yesterday that I love. Matt 7:13-14

13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

The compelling thing about this verse is that the "wide" gate is a pretty comprehensive way of describing how many people live life. Leaving college, I can recall a countless number of students who had a beer in one hand, a beer in the other, and have no regrets "living it up." And, in fairness, I would heartily agree that all of that stuff can seem like it's more fun. Therefore, what incentive would anyone have to change the whole hedonist mentality in the first place?

Interestingly, on the other end of this, I have found that traversing this narrow road has often times led to loneliness. There's certainly joy/gratification along the way, but there have been stretches where I've seriously questioned whether or not all of this persevering were worth it. I suppose this is the whole point. The narrow road's destination is Life. But will I choose it?

Digesting all of this, I think I've found a way to summarize it into a nice, succinct challenge. Beautifully, this is a challenge that both Christians and non can investigate mutually. It's summed up simply as this:

Is Jesus Christ worth following?

And for me, He is.