a moment please

Lord,

Let me be honest with you right here. I'm not sure whether or not it is the best idea to post this on the web or whatever but I suppose this is part of "image maintenence" defense mechanism that prohibits me from being truly genuine with You. So fine, here I am Jesus.

Father, tomorrow is the big day with Glorieanne. What is in store with our relationship? Has it truly reached the end? What will it mean for me if it really is the end? What will happen with Glorie? Is she really on track with you like she says she is? If it's so, why do we still always fight? What should I do? Focus on You I know. Be reminded of how You never give me more than I can bear...I know. Perhaps I don't know. Otherwise, why would I feel so uncertain? I sure hope I can still be friends with her though. I don't know what it's going to feel like when we start having those awkward moments.

Then there's Alicia. God what an awesome girl. Thanks for bringing her into my life. The funny thing is I find that she reminds me of Glorie in some ways. The way it's so easy to talk with her...it reminds me of how Glorie and I started. Yet why do I keep thinking about her? Is it mere infatuation? Is any of it attributed to the fact that I am at a critical point with Glorie? Lord don't let me use Alicia as a rebound girl. It would make me so sad to realize that my selfishness would extend so far that I would use her as such a cheap remedy for my heartache. Jesus, please please don't let that happen. I see such beautiful potential for a very special friendship. I don't want our friendship to be corrupted in that way.

Then again, Jesus let me mean what I say. I want You Lord. I want to pursue you Jesus. I want to find my delight in You. I want to be so satisfied in You that my world can be shaken and I would still have my peace in You. That is my desire. Rock my world God. Use me here.