It's been a long time hasn't it? That's what working 6 straight days will do to you. So the rundown of what's happened in my life for the past week is as follows:
- I'm starting to enjoy work a little bit more. I think it has become a result of me finding myself. I just came to the realization that it doesn't matter if I really am a Disney person. I used to think it was so uncool to be really enthusiastic and stuff about the small stuff that I do at work. For example, we have to say "No bumping. Have a great race!" before we let the go-karts drive away. Initially I was really opposed to saying this with any sort of flavor at all. Now, I simply feel great saying it and meaning it. It sounds cliche, but when will I ever have the chance to make this particular guest's experience magical ever again? Rather, by doing my part, I can make their vacation that much better simply by liking what I do. Imagine that.
- Things between Alicia and I have absolutely nose dived into the ground. We had a very important conversation the other night that probably determined the future of our friendship forever. In sum, I strongly believe we viewed our friendship completely differently. As a result there were expectations and signals being sent that probably wasn't intended to be there in the first place. Apparently I had been giving off the impression that I liked her a lot. Maybe I'm oblivious, but I really don't feel like I did such a thing. I honestly feel that, at the very most, I was merely reflecting back to her how she made me feel. I still feel like she's an awesome girl. I still think she's a very special person. She, even in her different methods, made me feel special back. I don't see anything romantic there.
Either way, Alicia proceeded to make certain that there was to be nothing going on between us. To the point where she said "I don't think we'll ever be boyfriend/girlfriend." Not that that was something I was necessarily aiming for (especially not now--the last thing I'm interested in is some fling), but talk about ouch. I've never felt that rejected in my life. It's as if she took my nuts and squeezed them together as hard as she could...it really just hurt that bad. Never in my life have I felt as ugly and unattractive as I did in that moment. All I wanted was a close friend. Now all I have is a dream that will never come true. Oh well. I really wanted it to be something special. I guess I just have to let go of what I want.
- I'm starting to just find myself more in general. I'm starting to be less attached to my image. Who cares that I am a nerd that visits tech websites everyday? Am I any less of a person just because I still have a backstreet boys CD in my CD case? Am I any less special because of what I did in the past? I am going to be a somebody in this small whisper we call life. It is my desire to be a major player in this story of God's. Through the Spirit, I will do great things. Just watch.
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