That little place

So I reached the point where the pain is just plain numb. My eyes have tired from expelling tear after tear. My body is all like, "Fred, in case you weren't aware, food is a requisite in order for us to function."

Funny then, that it's not until I reached this point that God was able to melt some barriers of mine. It's kind of like Jesus had to wait until I was most broken for me to finally break.

Anyway, I have more peace now because I've uncovered some frighteningly obvious truths...

1) God is huge. No even bigger than huge. He's enormous. Well even then, enormous would be inadequate. God is really, really big. You get the point.

I always masqueraded around like I truly understood this concept, but I'm just now beginning to wrap my mind around this thought: the story is about Him! It's not a very new or original thought (and frankly it sounds a little churchy), but the truth that we are all designed to reflect God is a very important principle to keep in mind.

Throughout this situation, it was easy for me to get lost in my emotions. In my limited understanding, I would think about how all the different aspects of Glorie's situation affected me; however, how has it affected Him? If God chooses to bring more glory to himself (through Glorie) in this profoundly confusing way, who am I to make much of my personal pain?

My scope has been widened, and I see the landscape a bit more clearly. It's still very blurry, but I believe I can see the cross.

2) I am loved. Not only that, but I am loved very, very much.

For much time, I was hurt simply because I felt that Glorie and her family no longer loved me. While I believe that they still care for me, I don't think there's any doubt that I am no longer as precious to them as I once was. I still miss them dearly, but am slowly coming to grips with the fact that I may not speak to them again.

That said, I've realized that my focus has been off. When Glorie and I first separated, I was hurting. Absolutely vulnerable. Instead of trusting that Christ has my best interest in mind (in all walks of my life), I trusted others. I threw myself onto Alicia and it didn't work. Only after my life was shattered did I turn to Him. I actually tasted God for the first time in that dark season, and he responded immediately!

Honestly, I could not look past all the pain I was experiencing. Yet, I gave absolutely no credence to the fact that Christ was hugging me this entire time. Dear friend, if you find yourself reading this, pay special attention to these words. If you only remember one thing that I say to you, I desire it to be this:

Christ loves you so much. It's the most cliche, overstated, plain words you'll hear in your life. But it is true.

This realization in mind, I've found more peace. What reason have I to continue to writhe in misery? The God of the entire universe is desperately in love with me! That's huge!

3) I should always take joy.

The fact that Glorie is still living and breathing is due to the sheer mercy of God. The fact that she has improved every single day since her accident (and is still continuing to improve), is a testament to the fact that our Dad hears His children crying. These mountains of joy in mind, there is very little room for discouragement.

If Glorie pronounces her undying love for Ryan, and her family delights in the result, who am I to take issue with that? If Ryan's presence is helping Glorie heal everyday, then I should be thankful for her recovery and for his support. I still feel that there is a very real potential for danger with this situation, but for now, my heart is slowing praising God for who He is; and what He's done.





Life is still hard for me...but that's not a bad thing. Jesus is holding my hand and crawling next to me as I snail through this dimly lit journey of mine; and frankly, it's not raining so hard anymore.