Something's amiss

The "funk" I've been in lately has carried over into this week. It's uncool I say.

I don't really know where it is. It's like a bizarre feeling of emptiness that is peculiarly indescribable. There are no major catalysts to drive this force. School and work are both pretty consistent. Nothing extremely extraordinary is disrupting the equation. It's just a big, fat empty hole inside of me that has amassed [seemingly] out of nowhere.

In other news, I think I have found a glimmer of peace in the Glow situation. I have come to the conclusion that I am/was an important person to her/family or I am not/wasn't. If I never was, then all of this would make more sense to me. It would explain why it took a month or so to forget about me. It would also explain why they seem to be so remiss about my welfare. That is, it would give insight as to why it was so easy to do some of the things they did and have disregard for the implications thereof.

However, if I was/am as important to them/her as I believe I was/am, then this situation should be disturbing them just as thoroughly as its disturbing me. The burned bridge may have less priority in their life right now (and rightfully so...considering the situation with Glorie's continued recovery) but it is nonetheless a very significant issue in their lives.

The reason why this brings some peace to me is that it provides an inkling of closure. If the situation is the former, then it everything wouldn't be so disturbing for me anymore. I would have greater understanding as to why they made some of the decisions that they made. If it's the latter, then it's only a matter of time when Glow and I will be reunited.

It seems unlikely that there is a 3rd possibility. For that to be true it would mean that I had great importance then had little importance (or vice-versa). If I went from great to little, it still wouldn't explain why I was forgotten about so quickly. Surely it would be reasonable to believe this to be the case after a year or so perhaps, but for everything to deteriorate within a matter of weeks [as they did] is simply unbelievable.

If I went from little to great, then it would imply that the first few years of our relationship were unimportant to begin with. It would then imply that I gained the most significance right when the fallout started to happen. This doesn't make any sense at all as, instinctively, humans secure most tightly what is of greatest importance to them. This particular circumstance seems least likely to me of all possibilities.

Regardless of how it all turns out, I suppose it's only a matter of time now before truth is finally revealed. If they are just now able to see what has happened as a result of all this, I can only place my faith in the One who changes hearts. After all, He is the one who melted the stony walls around my heart even when I was ignorant of what I did. If the truth ends up being that I was nothing more than a forgotten memory, then at the very least I would start having answers. And, as a result, I wouldn't have to cry so much anymore.

Alas, until I can gain more clarity regarding this, I remain steady. I will continue to pray (as I have been ever since I got that letter) that truth would be revealed [especially to me]. I can't afford not to be humble in this situation. There's too big a lesson to be learned from this. It is my hope, therefore, that when I can finally show this situation as a scar (and not a scab), that the experience gained would be rich and worth sharing.