Yesterday wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Obviously thoughts of her were inevitable, but I wasn't as sad as I thought I'd be. Instead, I discovered that I may be further along in the healing process than I thought. Whenever I was reminded of her, there was an equal [opposite] thought that she wasn't thinking about me. I'd like to think that our relationship was special enough to her that she'd miss me just a little but maybe I wasn't special to her. It's odd really. Maybe I'm just entering a numb phase of this process.
Vocationally, school has been rather trying. I barely passed two of my tests last week [but got among the top 10% on my quiz in another]. I may drop my abnormal psych class. I find it interesting but self-interest can only go so far if the class itself is unbelievably dry. School in and of itself has been kind of bleh for me though.
Spiritually, I'm on a pretty intense roller coaster. Sometimes I walk side-by-side (step-for-step) with Him. Other times I bathe in my sin. It creates this really disgusting feeling inside of me. I feel like I make the Cross cheap. It was times like this when Glorie proved so wonderful. When I would confide in her, she was simply encourage me and point me back to the Savior. Saving me from me most.
Truly, it is times like this when it is of critical importance to know who you are and Whose you are. The most lethal weapon at the enemy's disposal is the finger of accusation. However, by the blood of Jesus, that weapon has been completely taken away from him. Therefore, we must always keep in mind that as trying as life becomes, we are the redeemed of God. In essence, we are the living reflection of I AM. As such, let us never succumb to the lies that we are worthless or pathetic or ugly or any of that crap. Instead, in light of the wonderful cross of Christ, we must always champion the FACT that we are who God says we are.
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