Ready, Set, Go?

5 more days 'til it's game time and I still don't think it's hit me yet.

I had such high aspirations for myself for this pre-mission time but have fallen far short of my expectations. I thought I'd be the most awesome person ever (hence being the most awesome college missionary) but I only affirmed the fact that I'm an idiot. It hasn't been anything extremely significant (as in I haven't killed anyone or anything like that), but it's really been small things adding up. I think too much about petty things. I don't widen my focus enough to view this life with proper context. It's tragic.

Simply, I keep resorting back to imitation Gods. I find myself battling lust frequently just cause I don't think God is trustworthy with my heart. I don't let joy capture my life simply because I don't believe that God can satisfy. Where does all of this come from anyway? Is my faith really that small?

Needless to say, this is hardly the posture that I wanted to enter Mexico with. Thankfully, I still have a week to learn much from Him. It started yesterday with a reminder that I can't do anything apart from Christ. What a thought. I hope God honors my faith. I'm taking this a baby step at a time.


Today my prayer is for myself. That I would realize (and continually be reminded that I can't do anything apart from Him). That I would grow in humility, in faithfulness, and in hunger for growth. I desire to be completely focused from here on out.