The cycle of faith

Two steps forward. One step back.

There's still a lot of unrest.
There's still plenty of "should have" and "why didn't you" that are unanswered.
It's still messy and at times I think I'm the only one who still has a broom in hand.

But the tranquility is growing and the serenity is louder.

I have (re)discovered that, regardless of who was "right" or "wrong" everything that has happened has happened. That is, God has allowed this situation to conceive, intensify, and blow up with scintillating precision. Translation: there is method to His madness and order to the wisdom.

I miss Glorie.
I miss Glorie a lot. All of the arguments that we have entered into recently have only intensified that feeling. In other words, it only highlights how much I desire for our friendship to be restored.

But, it's entirely plausible to believe that our friendship may...never be restored. And I hate that I have to face up to that reality. I want Glorie to be a part of my life. I want her to be a great part of my life. But she has to want the same thing and it doesn't feel like she does.

In this delicate balance, I've lost sight of the fact that there are a number of people He has surrounded me with who are great parts of my life (and want me to be a great part of theirs). They may not have the same indescribable bond that Glorie and I have, but they are nonetheless equally as valuable. In my tunnel vision of focusing on my dear glorieanne, I inadvertently missed out on the people trying to help me.

The only piece left was why exactly God would allow it such that such a wonderful part of my life is now such a confusing one. And I still don't have an answer to that question. But that's ok. Cause I do have historical evidence that, regardless of reason, He has my best interest in mind. All I really have to do is trust that this situation is no different.

Which, I suppose, is what faith really is in the first place.