Heart monitor

I think it's time for my check up.

As it stands now, I can say with confidence that I believe I'm headed in the right direction. I'm not all the way where I want to be and there's definitely a lot more work that needs to be done. BUT, thankfully my heart is changing. Here's what has been happening in detail:

- With regard to all the "drama" that happened last year, my opinion is still pretty much in line. There are several key decisions made that, in my opinion, would have much benefitted from the wisdom and insight from objective wise council. This would have salvaged the relationship instead of allowing the destruction that resulted.

However, where I am completely different is in my expectation of the family. I discovered, thankfully, that it is absolutely wrong for me to carry myself the way that I have. For all the christianity I claim to hold to, what I failed to consider was the fact that all the virtues that I prioritize so highly must also be applicable to me. This seems obvious intellectually but it is another thing entirely when emotion is added to the mix.

All I really mean to say is this: Even if my sentiment is right regarding the way this situation has been handled, it does not give me the right to point a finger and dictate how someone should feel after the fact. The only result of my incorrect attitude has been an even more intense feeling of tension. And, well, friendships can't be built with tension in the air.

- After discovery, I immediately asked God to change the posture of my heart. So, as a result, my intent has changed. I still want her family to understand what they did. But it doesn't come from a bitter place anymore. It's not a "requirement" so to speak. Instead, it's more like how a friend desires for a friend to learn from their mistakes simply so they won't get hurt again (i.e. like how a parent wants their kid to understand why jumping off the kitchen table was a bad idea--not to rub it in their face how bad of a kid they are but because they don't want them getting hurt again). This has been a HUGE process. But, the end conclusion I kept coming to was that it is not my job to change people's hearts. My job is only to extend the same forgiveness that has been given to me. And, to be honest, that's hard to do to people who hurt you so much.

- So where do I go from here? I don't know.

That may seem a little trite, but it's the truth. I'm doing everything I can on my end to restore the friendship. This includes checking myself over and over again in contrast to Christ. And, I feel like there's much to work on. There's a lot of gunk buildup that has accumulated over the year. But, it's getting better and that's something worth celebrating.

I only hope that there is equal persistence and equal jubilation for me on the other end.