Friday Night Thoughts

What a day.

I didn't sleep last night. I thought it would be a brilliant idea to "study" the whole morning in preparation for my test. What ended up happening was that I got to the testing center exhausted. I then thought it would be a fantastic idea to buy a rockstar mocha energy drink. Perhaps it would give me the boost I needed only this morning. So, it's only fitting that. . .

I failed the test.

I was bummed for the majority of the day. I'm not an idiot and I was certainly capable of passing this test. But, I set myself up for failure with my fatigue and poor time management. Looking back, I see it as a way of God slowly humbling me and giving that gentle little reminder that He gives and takes away. Oh well.

Then I ended up talking with Kristy more. I really love talking to that woman. We only spent like an hour on the phone today but it was cool. I discovered that she's pretty crazy about this other guy. It kind of hurt when I heard it. I want her to like me. I want her to be perpetually curious about me the way I am with her. But it seems evident that things aren't working out that way. This is no big loss. After all, we're still very much close friends which is something that I'm still very grateful for.

Part of this was confirmed when I talked with her today. I talked about Glorie since she talked about her crush. She's familiar with the situation and thus I asked for her advice. The results were staggering. It went something like this:

"Well what do you think I should do?"
"I dunno. How long are you going to let it bother you?"
"I don't know. I just want them to be sorry for hurting me you know?"
"I know. They shouldn't have hurt you. But it's pretty obvious they're not going to be sorry anytime soon. It's up to you to make a choice as to what you'll do in this situation. You can either move on and forgive them or let this eat you up. It's your choice."
"I have forgiven them. I just wish there was a part of them that was sorry."
"If you've forgiven them this wouldn't be bothering you so much. Why don't you just forgive them? Isn't that something that you're big into?"
"Yes."
"Well it doesn't seem like it."
*no response*


What if she's right? Here comes this girl, who is just starting to delve into a full relationship with Christ, dropping a theological bomb on me. It felt like a spiritual kick in the nuts.

Have a truly forgiven Glorie's family?

If Kristy can smell it and identify it so clearly, something must be amiss. The problem is, I want so badly for there to be retribution for all the hurt done to me. Not necessarily an execution of judgment, but moreso a contrite heart and genuine remorse. The question then becomes, "do I need those things in order to forgive (i.e. "move on")?" What a freaking thought.

God, thank you for Kristy.