residual thoughts

Today was pretty difficult.

I found it so hard to focus today. It probably didn't help that the lecturer today had the driest, most monotonous voice out of everyone in the office. The nail in the coffin was naturally my boredom.

The reason any of this is noteworthy is because I ended up thinking about Glorie a lot. Something reminded me of her eyes. Holding her face and smiling at her as she gleefully looked into the eyes of her love.

Things between me and the crush have cooled down considerably and naturally she really is no contest compared to Glorie. It sucks so bad. I wanted to call her today and just have a conversation like we used to. I was staring at my phone just waiting to press send but I knew I couldn't.

I miss her so much. And it's still bothersome that we can't even enjoy each other's friendship.

Adding insult to injury was the fact that tonight a lot of my family started asking questions about her. Nothing intrusive; just simple questions from concerned family. "How are things between you and Glorie?", "Are you guys still friends?"
I wish I could answer honestly, "yes...but no" but they wouldn't be able to understand. How do you tell your family that the people who hurt you are sorry that you were hurt...but not sorry for what they did to hurt you in the first place?

Then I would have to field the questions about why I still hope for closeness with Glorie again in light of everything they put me through. But I can't answer that either.

Cause I can't really explain why I thought about her like how I did today. She's incredibly special to me. That's all.

Too bad that doesn't count for anything.